


Sweeter Than Honey

by stopmysinfulhand



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Blowjobs, Crying, Depression, Dirty Talk, Dreams, F/M, Injury, Major tlj spoiler, Minor Violence, Mirror Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Snakes, Virgin!Kylo, a lot of crying, bed sharing, but friendly ones!, but not now, kylo has a tantrum and gets hurt, mentions of med terms, reader is a lil force sensitive, reader was a medic, references to power imbalance, sorry kids, stormtroopers - Freeform, the resistance is not painted in a very good light, unprotected sex, wear a condom kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:29:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 34,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopmysinfulhand/pseuds/stopmysinfulhand
Summary: Kylo Ren crashes in front of your cottage on Naboo. Good thing you've got the training necessary to help him.





	1. Ouch

Life was simplistic on Naboo. Well, okay, maybe not in the cities, or the swamps, but your little cottage near the lake country was a scene straight from a pastoral. You much preferred it to the busy life you used to lead as a medic in Theed. The scenery was calm and there were minimal interactions to be had with people. Wild flowers surrounded your small home, a sea of pink and white and light blue and yellow, calling you to lay amongst them and watch the clouds float through the crystalline sky. With the flowers came the tiny bees that buzzed and bobbed across the landscape, and with the bees came your favorite part of living away from the city; honey.

Honey seemed to be a luxury in other parts of Naboo, and certainly in most of the galaxy, but you were lucky enough to have access to a hive nearby. A friend of yours was a beekeeper who cultivated and sold the honey his bees created, and you always got first dibs on the newest batch. You used it in your baking, your tea, and sometimes you even used its golden coloration in your glass creations.

You knew honey had effective medicinal properties, and you certainly felt as if it healed your soul when you consumed it, but you never imagined you’d need to put it to the test.

 

* * *

 

You heard the crash before you felt it. But when you felt it, it jarred your whole body and caused one of your flower vases to crash into the floor. You rushed outside to see what caused such a ruckus. Upon your exit from the house, you saw a crashed shuttle, not quite 50 feet from your entrance. More startling, you saw a prone form in front of the craft, perhaps ejected before it hit the ground, you pondered absent-mindedly as you rushed towards the crash sight.

Kneeling next to the body, you figured out a few things. 1) It was a man, 2) he appeared to be a member of the First Order, and 3) he was quite possibly the most beautiful man you had ever seen. He had thick, wavy black hair that made his skin seem as white as the flowers around him, with small beauty marks scattered across his sharp features. The man was massive, easily 6’4”, and even unconscious, he had an aura of power around him that had you wondering how intimidating he’d be awake.

You examined for any obvious external injuries and noticed a pretty prominent gash along his midsection. After checking to see if he had a pulse, you determined he was still alive, although barely. As you were trying to figure out how the hell you were going to get this unconscious, much larger than you, man into your house, his eyes snapped open and he attempted to sit up with a gasp.

You quickly set your hand on his chest to calm him, pushing him back slightly. “Whoa whoa whoa, easy there tiger!” His eyes darted to you, and in his deep amber eyes you could see fear, confusion, and pain colliding into a cocktail of Upset. He made sort of a gurgling noise, which you took to be him asking for an explanation. “You crashed, and you look pretty injured. I can help you, but I need you to help me first, okay?” He grit his teeth and managed a nod.

You smiled. “Okay great. I’m going to support you the best I can, but I need you to stand up for me so I bring you to my cottage.” His eyes slid to the house and then back to you. He seemed hesitant but started to curl up so he could stand. You set a hand on his back and pushed in an effort to aid him, standing as he did. Leaning heavily against you, he managed to make his way to your residence with minimal stumbling. This guy sure seems pretty tough, you thought. You were sure if you were in the same situation, you’d be crying and curled up in the fetal position waiting to die.

You’re really not certain how you managed to get him into the cottage, but you thanked every deity you could think of as you laid him out on your too-small-for-him bed. He still seemed alert as you worked to get his clothing undone, often wincing in pain whenever you got too close to his wound. Once the wound fully hit open air however, he passed out again, seemingly unable to handle the pain.

You quickly gathered any supplies that would help you and got a bucket of water. Standing next to the side of the bed, you began to carefully cleanse the wound, grateful your new patient was asleep since this was the most painful part. The wound itself was long, but not deep enough it would’ve damaged any organs. You finished cleaning it and sterilized a needle with a lighter, neatly stitching the wound closed.

You lacked sterigel in your collection of medical items, though you made a note to contact one of your old med buddies to get some more, but something was needed to prevent infection and promote healing. You wracked your brain, searching for something, anything, and then it hit you, like someone had violently thrown a lightbulb at your head. The honey.

In olden times, honey was used as an anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-pretty much anything, and was especially good at healing minor burns. You concluded that it could be used in the situation as long as you changed his dressings often. You popped open a previously unopened jar of honey and scooped out a handful, slathering it lightly over his wound. You washed your hands before taping gauze over the stitches. You determined that at this rate, you’d probably need to ask your med buddy for more than just sterigel.

You sighed softly, simultaneously cursing whatever god put you in this kind of situation again, and thanking them because you knew that your stranger patient might be dead in anyone else's hands. Now resigned to your new fate, you set out to make some soup in case your stranger woke up soon. Funny how quickly he went from A stranger to Your stranger. You felt protective of him now, for some unknown reason.

It was around the time the soup had finished cooking and you started to fill bowls that you heard the stranger in the bed gasp and try to sit up like he did before. “Man, you just don’t learn, do you?” you mused as you glanced back at him. He winced and you shook your head. “You’re going to reopen those stitches I just worked so hard on. Just relax.” You noticed he tentatively laid back down after you said that which made you grin.

You turned with both soup bowls in hand, setting them on your bedside table before pulling up a chair closer to him. “My name is (Y/N L/N). And you, stranger, have a nasty laceration horizontally across your upper abdominal region. I dressed it though, so the bleeding should stop soon if it hasn't already.” He looked at you with a mixture of awe and confusion, his eyes now only slightly dimmed with pain.

When he spoke for the first time, his deep timbre shook you to your core. “I see,” he mumbled, looking at his dressing for the first time. “Thank you.” You blushed slightly, hopefully unnoticed, and grinned.

“No need to thank me, you’re just lucky you happened to crash in front of the cottage of a trained medical professional,” you gushed, mentally hitting yourself for sounding so flustered just because he spoke to you. “I, um, I made you some soup. I’ll help you sit up a little so you can eat it.” You quickly stood, gently helping him up and fluffing the pillows behind him so he could lean back comfortably. “Usually I like to know my patients names… Yours would be?”

He grunted softly. “Kylo Ren.” His words sent you reeling for a moment. You had to take a step back. “Kylo… Ren? As in,, The Kylo Ren? Commander of the First Order Kylo Ren?” You struggled to think of more descriptors. Your mind supplied ‘Killed his own father Kylo Ren’ but that seemed disrespectful.

He watched your reaction passively, his face taking on a mask of emotionlessness. “Yes. That Kylo Ren.” You exhaled shakily and sat down, running your hand across your face. “Oh,” was all you said, all you could think to say. How were you supposed to handle this?? Having the commander of the First Order in your custody was Not something they trained you for at the medbay. You weren’t even sure how to address him now. Should you call him Commander? Sir? Kylo? Mr. Ren???

Your thoughts were paused as you felt a pressure pushing at the back of your head. You rubbed at your temples to help the slight splitting headache that had just developed when it left suddenly and you heard your patient’s smooth voice muse, “Kylo is fine for now.” You looked up at him, confused as to how he knew until it dawned on you, ‘Oh, he just read my mind.’

“Hey hey hey, whoa now, let’s establish some boundaries here! No mind reading,” you scolded. “That’s not fair to me!” His lips twitched up slightly into a brief semblance of a smile.

“I was simply checking to make sure you bared no ill-will towards me. I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation where a person I don’t know can determine whether I heal or die of infection. I’m sure you’d understand if you were in my position.”

Was he,, teasing you? Because it sounded like he was teasing you. You pondered this for a moment before sighing, sitting down again, and pushing his soup toward him. “Here you are, Kylo.” You exaggerated his name to show him that you could tease him right back.

He leaned over to get the soup and winced slightly, glancing down at the offending wound. “Why am I… sticky.” You couldn’t help but smile at that. “I used honey to dress your wound.”

“You used honey. to dress my wound,” he repeated.

You nodded, eating a spoonful of soup. “Yep. It’ll help it heal until I can get my hands on some sterigel.” He grunted in acknowledgment. “I see.”

Together you ate in silence, and you used the opportunity to get a better look at him. He had a strong nose and plush lips, both of which you admired greatly. He was so pale, and you had trouble determining if that was from blood loss, or if he was just really that pale. Numerous small scars littered his shoulders and torso, and in the light of your lamps, you were able to now see that he also had a large scar that glistened across his face and right shoulder. “Gnarly,” you murmured softly. He looked at you, his expression still blank. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t gawk at me like a zoo animal.”

You scrambled for words, flustered he’d caught you staring. “I didn’t, I mean I- Oh gods, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t- I just-” He stopped your flow of words with his hand raising. “It’s fine.” His words were terse and you shrunk back, sure he was angry. You didn’t know a lot about the First Order, but Ren’s anger was legendary. You hoped that his wound would stop any notions he had about destroying you and/or your cottage.

Kylo shook his head and sipped his soup. “I wouldn’t harm you. You saved my life.” You relaxed slightly before straightening again in indignation. “Hey wait-”

He silenced you again. “That one was not purposeful. I simply hear your thoughts. No effort on my part.” You rolled your eyes up to the ceiling and sighed.

This was going to be an interesting few weeks. 


	2. Pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo opens up a bit, learns some things about you and your planet, and gets a cool new accessory.
> 
> Shoutout to nature for facilitating this interaction.

Your floor was unexpectedly hard. Maybe it was just that you were used to your bed, now occupied by Commander of the First Order Kylo Ren, or maybe it really was just Hard. Either way, you weren’t sure how much longer you could take this. If it got to be too much, you’d probably cave and buy a new bed. There was no way you would kick Kylo out of your current one. That’d just be poor bedside manner.

It had now been a week since the crash. On the third day you helped Kylo outside so he could assess the damage. He looked on the wreckage with seeming indifference, but you could feel despair and anger coming off him in waves. “You okay?” you ventured, tightening the arm around him that helped support him. He simply looked at you for a moment. “There’s a hole in my body, and in my shuttle. I’ll let you decide.” He turned away from the crash, leaving you no choice but to lead him inside. Kylo didn’t talk to you for the rest of the night.

By the weekend you received a medipack full of wound care items from your friend Joshi in Theed. Kylo was healing well, which you silently attributed to the honey. His body repaired itself with minimal effort, but you could tell he may have sustained some psychological scarring along with his physical ones.

You didn’t talk to Kylo a lot, you could tell he wasn’t one for idle chatter, but you always made an effort to talk to him while you changed his dressing. First you asked his pain rating on a scale of 1 to 10. He always told you 3, even when he was obviously hurting. You figured that was him just trying to be manly or whatever, so you added some aspirin to his tea to help him.

The next thing you would ask about was his duties as commander. He was secretive about it, only giving you small snippets that helped form a clearer image of his leadership. Once you asked about his family, but he completely shut down the topic. You knew not to ask again.

Kylo was… closed off to say the least. The closest you two had been was the first night when he seemed to be somewhat charming. Now that he fully realized the situation he was in, he had become closed off and cold, his face remaining stoic. At this point you’d give anything for a smile. A semblance of emotion. You think for a moment you may even be grateful for one of his famous rages, just something besides apathy.

About a week and a half in, you snapped. Kylo had been particularly moody that day, every word he said dripping with disdain. His internal emotions seemed to bombard you, like you were an extension of himself. Every wave of feeling crashed into you so roughly it made you feel seasick. You felt like you were going insane. If he felt like this all the time, you thought, you were surprised he hadn’t yet.

“What do you want?” you half-shouted at his resting figure. He looked at you in surprise. “What?” was all he asked.

You groaned and shook your head. “You have enough angst to kill a tusk-cat! Do you need to go on like a walk or something? Read a book? What??”

Kylo squinted. “What I want is to leave.”

“Yeah, no shit! But right now that doesn’t seem like an option, so what? What can I do for you in the meantime?” You huffed slightly, standing next to his bedside. His lips twitched slightly and he tilted his head at you. The bed creaked quietly as he shifted, working to get to his feet unassisted. Your hands shot out, going to grasp his arms before you were shooed away. Kylo rose to his full height, clutching his abdomen with a wince. You shrunk away from him, not used to being dwarfed by someone.

“Perhaps a walk is necessary.”

 

* * *

 

You lended Kylo one of your nightshirts, which,, kinda fit him. He looked like he was about to bust out of it, but at least he wouldn’t be chilly. You also packed a small bag with some water and snacks, just in case he wanted to take a break at some point. You watched him move around, trying to get a handle on how well he could walk by himself. He glanced at you. “I can walk fine on my own,” he replied to your non vocal question. You frowned. “I thought I said no reading my mind.”

“I thought I told you it wasn’t intentional,” he snarked back. He had you there.

You led him outside and immediately broke into a smile, your eyes drawn up to the sky. The few clouds there were drifted lazily through the air, and you sighed, wishing more than anything you could float up there with them. “It’s nothing special, you know,” Kylo muttered, following your gaze. “The sky. Being up there. It’s not as dreamy as you think it is.” Your smile fell. “Wow, thanks for crushing my daydreams dude.” He shrugged and you shook your head, holding onto his arm so you could lead him farther from your cottage.

You picked a small bouquet of wildflowers, unable to resist their soft colors and scents. You offered one to Kylo. He simply stared at it, but you swore you could feel his waves of angst lighten up a bit. The walk you planned was simple. It avoided the crash site while also allowing him to take in the best things Naboo had to offer. You were quite pleased with yourself, especially when he stopped to stare at the nearby mountain range.

“Pretty amazing, huh? That’s where most of my water supply comes from,” you informed him. Kylo nodded, not taking his eyes off the range. “Intimidating,” he agreed, watching for a few more moments before carrying on.

Your next stop was the namesake for the region you lived in. The water that expanded in front of you glittered like a big blue gem, the smooth surface interrupted only by the waterfall that pounded into it from the farthest point from you. You helped Kylo sit near, but not too close to, the water’s edge. You plopped down next to him and started to take out the supplies you had brought, watching him watch the water.

He broke the silence first. “My grandmother was from Naboo.” Your eyebrows raised. “That right? You ever been here before?” He shook his head.

“She died in childbirth.”

Your eyebrows furrowed this time. “Who was she?”

His eyes met yours, searching for recognition as he said her name. “Padmé Naberrie.” Your mouth dropped. “P-Padmé??” He nodded, confusion emanating from him.

“You know of her?”

“Know of her!” you exclaimed, setting your hand on Kylo’s arm. “Kylo, she was the queen of Naboo! Of course I know of her!” You sighed softly, pressing your other hand against your cheek. “Who doesn’t know of her? And her forbidden romance with Anakin Skywalker?” You sighed again. “So dreamy. Stuff like that never happens anymore.” You snapped out of your dreaminess to look him in the eyes again. “Not to mention she was like, a Major style icon, oh my gods. And she was tough as all get out too! When the battle of geonosis happened she was right in the middle of it with Anakin and Obi-Wan! The woman is a legend and a political genius.”

You finished your small tirade, leaving Kylo feeling amazed, confused, and a teensy bit scared. “How do you- How could you possibly know so much about her??”

You rolled your eyes. “I did a report on her in school. The woman is like, my idol. She’s the reason I became a medic, so I could one day go out and help the resistance! But then, you know, I realized that kind of life was too exciting for me.” You shook your head and sighed. “She’s an icon. I had no clue you were related to her, that’s so cool!”

Kylo nodded hesitantly, looking out over the water again. “I had… no idea.” His expression was blank as usual, but you could see the dumbfoundedness in his eyes. It was kinda cute in a way. The serene scenery around you brought you to peace, and it felt like it was helping your patient too. His shoulders had relaxed some and his head tilted so he could look at the sky as you were prone to do. Perhaps now that he knew about his grandmother, he felt more of a connection here. You hoped so.

“Y’know, I heard that Anakin and Padmé even visited this region together once.” His eyes snapped to you with an eagerness unseen before, but his voice was as dry as ever as he gave you a simple, “Really.”

You nodded sagely. “Queen Amidala really loved her planet. Maybe they even visited the celebrations of the Festival of Glad Arrival here.” You shrugged. “Who knows?”

He nodded, staring at you before looking out to the water again. “I’m thirsty.” You smiled and offered him the bottle you brought, watching as he set it against his lips and took a sip. Your eyes skimmed over his throat, following the way his adam’s apple bobbed and- okay this was really weird. You blushed brightly and averted your eyes, hoping he hadn’t been paying attention to what you had just been saying in your head because oh gods it’d be really bad if he knew you were kinda sorta crushing on him- and oh my Gods what if he heard that you should really just-

“Stop.” His voice startled you so hard you almost tipped over. “St-stop what? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you croaked. Smooth. You felt a wave of amusement wash over you, sure that the source was the man beside you. “Your thoughts are too loud and cluttered. They’re distracting,” he mused. You blushed somehow brighter and ran your hand through your hair. “S-sorry.”

In order to avoid anymore embarrassment, you pulled out the food you brought.You set out a jar of honey (obviously), a sleeve of crackers, and some apples you had from the tree near your cottage. You offered your patient some honey on a cracker. He looked on it with some disdain. “What is that?”

Your jaw dropped. You couldn’t help it. “What? The cracker?”

He scowled. “No, not the cracker. The… golden substance.”

“Golden- Kylo, this is honey. What are you, like an alien or something? You’ve never had honey before?” you asked incredulously.

A wave of rage rolled off him. “I don’t appreciate being mocked,” he said through slightly gritted teeth, “I’ll warn you not to continue with such insolence in the future.”

You felt a little intimidated by that, but you were still too shocked by his question to really take heed of his warning. Besides, he already told you he wouldn’t hurt you, right? You rolled your eyes. “Sorry, I’ll keep that in mind. Anyway, just try it okay?” You pushed it closer to his mouth, which tightened into a line. His eyes flicked to the cracker, you, and back to the cracker again before you tentatively opened his mouth so you could feed him the cracker.

You watched him chew and swallow and felt a wave of… happiness? Whoa. “Do you- Do you want another?” The two of you watched each other. Kylo nodded slowly. “Yes. It was. Good.” Judging from the way he spoke, you got the idea that maybe he hadn’t felt happy in a while and didn't know how to handle it. You found that incredibly endearing.

You quickly fixed him another, making one for yourself as well. When you offered it to him, he took it almost eagerly. ‘This afternoon seems to be going well,’ you thought, unable to stop the smile that spread across your features. Kylo seemed much more relaxed that he had the first day you met him. Nature did that to a person, you supposed.

You ventured a little closer and began to weave the flowers you had picked into a crown. Kylo watched you work with mild interest. The waves of emotion that rolled over you finally seemed less volatile, which lifted your own emotions as well. You began to hum softly. Kylo leaned a bit closer, tilting his head in interest. “What’s that?”

You smiled, glancing at him. “A flower crown. I’m going to put it on you.” His eyebrows furrowed. You felt confusion radiating off him. “Why?”

“Because it’ll help you heal faster,” you said simply, holding up your finished piece so you could both look at it. Light pinks and blues wove together, bits of green poking out where you could see the stems. You had accentuated the top with white flowers. Overall you would say it was a quality crown. Even Kylo seemed a little impressed. Still, he was hesitant to allow such an object on his person. “I don’t want it.”

You rolled your eyes and went to your knees so you could reach the top of his head. “Nonsense. It’s calming.” You plopped it on his head and brushed his hair back a little so it sat better. His hand grabbed your wrist and lowered it, his eyes piercing yours when you made eye contact. “I said I didn’t want it.”

You huffed. “Yeah well, I’m the medic. I get to decide what’s healthy for you.” His grip tightened on your wrist, but you continued. “Anyways, I’m the only one who can see you right now, Kylo,” you said, your tone softened. “You look pretty.”

He stared at you for a moment. You felt a light pressure in your head, and you knew he was trying to figure out if you were making fun of him. You did your best to send out reassuring thoughts. He finally dropped your arm, diverting his eyes. “Fine. It can stay.” You grinned.

“Thank you, Commander.”

He huffed, but you could tell he was amused, even if just a little bit. “Don’t get used to it, medic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine and I decided that while Kylo may know the name Padmé, he probably doesn't know very much about her other than she's his grandmother, so that's where that convo came from!


	3. Share

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo misunderstands, there's crying, and you finally get a good night's sleep.

Kylo Ren had now been living in your cottage for three weeks now, and you were unsure of what to do. The two of you went on walks every day now, short ones usually, just to get the blood pumping and make sure Kylo didn’t go stir crazy. You didn’t want to see what would happen if he did. Your house was,, small to say the least, consisting of your bedroom, a kitchen, a small living area, a bathroom, and a small office/library. Teensy, you were sure, compared to his previous living arrangements.

He was civil towards you now, you felt it was boarding on affection. He kept the flower crown from your first outing on a nail in your tiny library, where he had been spending a lot of time, and it made a small ball of pride bloom in your chest. The two of you didn’t talk a lot, but it was certainly more than he first arrived. Sometimes he told you little tidbits of his childhood and about his life on the Finalizer. You suspected he enjoyed having a confidant, though he would never tell you that.

His emotional waves had receded some, and his anger seemed to be lessening. You were unsure if it was finally having a friend of sorts, or if it was just living in the lake country. You knew Naboo had a very calming effect on people. Occasionally you felt pressure in your head, but a simple call of “Kylo!” made it stop. It didn’t bother you anymore though. You figured if you had to feel his emotions all the time, you could allow him to prod a little bit to figure out yours.

The two of you ate every meal together. It made you feel close to him, and it was pretty much the only time you saw him besides when you changed his dressing. You had gone back to your glass work now that you needn’t monitor your patient at all times. There was a small workshop behind your house that you kept the furnace for heating the glass and your myriad of powdered colors. Glass working was primarily how you got your money, not that you needed a lot of it.

It was when you were working in your workshop that Kylo approached you for the first time completely unprompted. You had just started working on a new piece, a stained glass image of the lake that you and Kylo had sat by together. There was a knock on the door and you looked up, your magnifying glasses sliding down your nose. “Come… in?” you said loud enough for the knocker to hear.

Kylo pushed open the door and looked around. “I had been wondering where you went during the day,” he stated, stepping inside. “I’ll admit, this… is not what I expected.”

You tilted your head slightly, setting down your tools. “What did you expect?” He shrugged, moving to stand next to your work table. “I don’t know, something simpler. Not something that involves so much heat.”

You turned back to your work, shaping it delicately. “Ah well. This is what I picked up once I moved here. I found out my grandfather used to do this as well. It just seemed… right.” You looked back up at him. You realized he was still standing and gestured to the chair across from you. “You’re welcome to take a seat.”

He took your offer and sat down, nodding. “I can understand that. I’m trying to follow in my grandfather’s footsteps as well.”

You adjusted your glasses, leaning down to really create the detail you wanted. You took a moment to mull over his words before speaking. “Ah yes. The infamous Anakin Skywalker, later known as Darth Vader. That’s a lot to live up to, Kylo.” You felt his emotions shift to the negative side again, and you realized you’d offended him.

You looked up, your eyes meeting his deep sepia ones, and you inhaled sharply when you saw the flames of anger beginning to light. “What are you implying? That I’m not good enough?” he spat out, standing.

You hastily removed your glasses, standing as well. “N-no I- Kylo I just meant- You don’t-” you desperately struggled for something to say, to explain that you didn’t mean he was lesser than his ancestor, but words just weren’t coming. You felt his rage coming off in larger waves, like a tropical storm slowly building to a hurricane. “You’re just as good as he was, Kylo. I meant that, you don’t have to live in the shadow of you grandfather. You can be your own kind of leader.”

He seemed too far into his anger. Your words weren’t reaching him. “No, you think I’m weak. Everyone thinks I’m weak,” he hissed, knocking over the chair he had been sitting in. “I’m trying to do what no one else has done before.” His voice was starting to rise and his stance was tense. You felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. “Kylo-” He interrupted you with a yell and moved his hand to his hip. When he realized he didn’t have his lightsaber on his belt, he turned and put his fist through your window. You gasped.

The rage left him the instant he realized his hand had not shattered the window completely and his fist remained in the glass. If he moved his hand, he’d cut his wrist to shreds. “(Y/N)...”

You looked around for any fabric you could use to wrap around his wrist. Finding none, you quickly took off your shirt and rushed over to him, leaving yourself in a light camisole. “Oh Kylo,” you said softly, reaching to break a bit more of the window to allow for easier passage of his hand. “It’ll be okay.” The waves coming off him felt anxious. His eyes were glued to you, watching as you calmly worked to get him out of the mess he created.

You pulled his hand out and wrapped the shirt around his wrist, quickly pushing him towards the house. “C’mon. You need stitches.”

 

* * *

 

Once you got him inside and got him stitched up and bandaged, you put the kettle on for some tea. Kylo sat on your bed with his head in his hands, not speaking. You made the tea, bringing the tray into your room. Instead of his earlier anger, despair came off him in waves so big it made your heart hurt. You set it down and sat across from him, scooting your chair closer. “Kylo.” He murmured softly but didn’t look at you or actually speak.

You gently touched his knee. “Kylo, look at me,” you insisted softly, scooting even closer. He finally did lift his head, his mouth in a thin line. Looking closely at him, you could see two shining tracks down his pale cheeks. Your heart constricted and you had to resist the urge to pull him into an embrace. “Ohhhhh Kylo, I’m so sorry.” Sitting close enough that your knees were touching his, you moved your hand to his arm.

Kylo was silent, not acknowledging the tears that steadily streamed from his eyes. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” he said quietly. “You didn’t- It’s my fault. For bringing it up.” He didn’t meet your gaze, instead opting for the painting you had over your dresser. There was so much sadness and pain coming off him, your brain didn’t know how to cope with it. So naturally, you burst into tears.

“K-Kylo, I’m so-” You were interrupted by a hiccup and you put your hand over your mouth, trying to quiet your sobbing. To say Kylo was startled was an understatement. His sadness became muddled with confusion and you only cried harder.

“(Y/N)? What- Are you okay? (Y/N).” His non-injured hand went to your shoulder, his face actually showing an expression akin to concern. He started to panic a little. He had never seen such an expression of emotion before. “Listen, if this is about the window, I can try to fix it,” he offered.

Your crying dimmed to a light sniffling and you had to laugh at his offer. “I can fix it Kylo, I’m a glass maker.”

“Oh, right.” He didn’t know what else to say.

You shook your head and wiped your eyes, sighing. “I’m sorry, you’re just- I can feel how sad you are. How much despair is in you- and it just- gods it’s so painful,” you croaked. “How do you manage it? You show nothing. Well, with the exception of those small tears.” You gestured to his cheeks.

He furrowed his brows. “What do you mean you can feel how sad I am?” His question was terse. He was all business again now that you weren’t crying.

You inhaled deeply. “Kylo, I’ve been able to feel your emotions since your first night here. They hit me in waves, and they’re crazy intense. I can only imagine how it feels inside you. It was driving me insane.”

His eyes searched your face for truth and you felt the tell-tale pressure in your head that told you he was looking for answers. He didn’t believe you, not that you blamed him. It was weird how vividly you felt his emotions. You had some experience with being in tune with people, but never this intense. Never this intimate.

The pressure alleviated and you looked up at him. “It’s true,” he said simply, his voice giving away nothing. You nodded. “I’d never lie to you, Kylo.” You could tell he didn’t trust that, but he didn’t deny it either, just stared at you.

You two kept eye contact for some time. It felt like ages. Burnt amber met (y/e/c), one force against another. His reaching for some kind of reassurance you didn’t know how to give him, yours grasping for any sign that he cared. The pressure in your head stayed for a bit as he dug around, trying to figure out something. You didn’t know what to give him, so you allowed it with a sort of weary resignation.

You broke the silence first. “Kylo… The tea is going to get cold,” you murmured. He pulled out of your head and leaned back. The two had gotten much closer than earlier, neither of you realizing it until the spell of each other's stare was broken. You stood and poured him a cup. “Would you like honey?”

He nodded, deliberately not looking at you. “Yes.” You handed him the cup and fixed one for yourself, still standing. You looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s getting late. You should go to bed. I’ll go take the couch.” You finished your cup of tea, heading out of the room. You were stopped before you could cross the doorway. Like, literally stopped. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to. Your head could move though, and you looked at Kylo in confusion, trying to discern what he was playing at.

“Wait. You can- You can stay in here. If you’d like.” He didn’t look at you while he said this, but he did release you. “We can. Share.”

You were at a loss. “But- won’t you be uncomfortable?” He shook his head. “I’d. Rather not be alone right now,” he muttered, finally looking at you again. You hesitated, weighing the options. You did really miss your bed… And you weren’t opposed to the idea of sleeping with Kylo. He looked like he gave off a lot of heat. You liked the idea of having a human shaped heater next to you. You nodded. “Okay. If you’re okay with it, I am.”

You cleared away the tea set before you readied yourself for bed. By the time you were back in your room, Kylo was already tucked in, staring at the ceiling. You slid into bed next to him, careful not to get too close. You really didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. “It’s okay,” he said softly, still not looking at you. “Get as comfortable as you like. I won’t be bothered.” There he went again with reading your thoughts.

You huffed slightly before getting into your usual sleeping position. Your thigh touched his, but that was about it. He seemed to relax a little with you by his side, the emotions that rolled off him no longer as negative as they were before. This put you at ease and you started drifting off sooner than you expected.

“Goodnight Kylo,” you sighed.

“Goodnight (Y/N).” With that, you were out.


	4. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your friend Joshi comes for a visit! Then you and Kylo Feel some things

You woke up in a tangle of limbs. Somehow you and Kylo had managed to snuggle together, possibly drawn together by how cold it could get in your room at night. His arm was around your waist, your hand was on his chest, and your legs were threaded with his. It was downright intimate. Panicked that Kylo may be upset with how close you had gotten, you worked to delicately untangle yourself from him. You left his arm around you, though. That wasn’t too bad.

You took the opportunity to look over him. He was so peaceful when he slept. His soft-looking lips were parted slightly and his hair was mussed in the cute bedhead sort of way. Everything about him in that moment looked angelic, especially when his eyes opened and he murmured, “Good morning,” his voice all rough from lack of use. You melted.

“Good morning Kylo,” you sighed dreamily before clearing your throat. “Would you like some breakfast?” He nodded and stretched out his arms with a yawn. You slid out of the bed and smoothed out your nightgown. “The usual?” you questioned, looking in your vanity to fix your hair. In the reflection you saw him nod.

Slipping your robe on, you moved from your room to the kitchen, making sure to shut the door behind you. As you lit the stove, you were startled by a knock at the door. You flicked the burner back off, making sure you looked presentable before you opened the door. “Hi, can I- Joshi! You’re here!” Your buddy from Theed stood in the doorway, smiling sheepishly at you. “Hey (Y/N),” he said, holding up a box. “Thought I’d deliver your newest supply box myself. Wanted to make sure you were okay and all that.”

You grinned and held open the door, inviting him in. “Well, I appreciate that greatly. I was about to put the kettle on, do you want some tea? Or coffee? I also have some juice,” you offered.

“Tea sounds great, thank you,” he agreed, sitting on your couch. “What do you need all these supplies for anyways?” You mulled over the question in your head, thinking of how to answer. Obviously you couldn’t tell him the truth. You didn’t want to put him in danger or anything, plus it was nice to have a secret.

“Oh, there was an animal nearby that got injured, and I helped it out, but then I realized my med supplies were pretty much depleted.” Nice save, and not a complete lie. You poured the tea and set the tray on the coffee table, also breaking out some scones you had made.

Joshi looked at you with slight suspicion. “Uh huh, and what about the men’s clothing you ordered? Looking for a new style?” You blushed slightly. “No, just some stuff I ordered for a friend. Figured it’d be a nice gesture since I was already getting a delivery.”

He nodded, sipping his tea. “Uh huh, so what you’re telling me is you don’t have a secret boyfriend who injured himself and apparently needs new clothing?” You blushed brighter at his accusation and smacked his arm. “Joshi! Where do you even come up with this stuff?”

He laughed. “I’m just teasing you, (Y/N). But it’s good to know you’re still on the market,” he joked, winking at you. You rolled your eyes, enjoying his remark. At least now you were out from under the radar. You felt relieved, until a slight pressure built up in the back of your head. You frantically sent out thoughts of ‘do not come out’. The pressure lifted and you looked at your bedroom door. Kylo did not open it, much to your relief.

You spent the rest of Joshi’s visit catching up on the latest gossip, and maybe flirting back and forth a little, but nothing serious. Finally it was time for your friend to leave. You led him to the door and embraced him, grateful he had visited. “Thanks Joshi. I’ll see you around.” He grinned as he went over to his speeder, shooting you finger guns. “Not if I see you first.” With that he was gone.

You shut the front door and set your back against it, sliding down with a sigh. “Okay,” you called, “you can come out now.” Your door opened and Kylo stepped through, his eyes scanning the room before looking at you. “Who was that?”

You stood, running your hand through your hair as you returned to your previous activities. “Joshi, a friend of mine. He’s the one who’s been sending me the supplies. He stopped by to make sure I was okay and chat, y’know, usual friend stuff,” you explained, getting out stuff for omelettes and toast. “Hm,” was all he said, plopping onto the couch. You weren’t sure what that meant. A new emotion rolled off him. Was that… jealousy? You turned to look at him, your arms crossed over your chest. “Kylo, are you jealous?”

He looked at you blankly. “What? No. Why would I be jealous. That’s stupid.” You felt his defenses go up and you smiled.

“Aw Kylo, it’s okay.”

He frowned. “I’m not jealous.” You felt that, oh yes he certainly was, but you didn’t push it, instead turning back to your cooking. Behind you, you could hear Kylo opening the box that Joshi brought, looking through it. He pulled out a simple long sleeved black shirt. “Did you buy me shirts?”

You glanced at him over your shoulder and nodded. “And some new pants. I’m not sure if they’ll fit you, but I did my best. Figured you didn’t want to keep wearing my nightshirts.” His lips twitched into a slight semblance of a smile and he set the clothing back in the box. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Here you go.” You set a plate in front of him full of food and turned back to your cupboards. “Want honey on your toast?” You had ever so slowly been guiding Kylo towards your love of the substance, putting in most of your sweeter foods instead of sugar and always, Always, putting it in your tea. He didn’t seem to mind.

“Yes,” he said, watching you work on your own food. You offered him the jar and he took it, his fingertips brushing your hand lightly. A soft pink lit up your cheeks. You quickly turned away and finished making your food, sitting across from him before digging in.

The two of you ate in silence that, although not unusual, felt wrong. You noticed Kylo deliberately avoided your gaze, choosing instead to look out the window at his crashed shuttle. The silence was more than a little maddening, so you broke it.

“What happened?”

Kylo’s gaze flicked to you. “That’s confidential.” His tone portrayed a bit of amusement, like he was joking, so you decided to push it. “No really, how’d you crash out here? I thought the First Order didn’t have presence on Naboo.”

He hesitated a moment, his eyes searching yours as he determined whether to be completely truthful or not. He chose yes. “I wasn’t on a mission for the First Order,” he admitted. “This was more of a. Personal mission, let’s say.” He seemed embarrassed. “Of course, I told Hux it was important for the First Order. Not that it matters what he thinks anymore. Still, have to make sure he stays obedient.”

You watched him speak, surprised. This was the most he had ever spoke, let alone shared with you. You were shocked. “And- then how did you crash?” His lips twitched up a bit. Gods you would kill for a full smile from him. You wanted it more than you had ever wanted anything in your life.

“The beings that guard Naboo apparently did not take too kindly to a First Order pod being in their air space. I was shot down and thus I crashed behind your house.” He said it simply, like it had been a minor inconvenience and not one that nearly killed him.

You stared at him for a moment. “You’re so brave,” you said softly. He seemed taken aback by your words. “I’m- What?”

You reached across the table and took his hand. “You’ve been through so much. The crash didn’t even phase you. You’re incredible,” you said a little breathlessly. That finally got a reaction out him. You watched as his cheeks started to heat up, a wave of confusion and affection rolling off him. He seemed speechless, so you continued while holding his hand tighter. “And you’re so full of anguish, but you still remain so strong. You deserve so much better, Kylo.”

He gaped at you, gripping your hand in return while he tried to figure out what to say. “(Y/N), I don’t- I-” You noticed his eyes start to water a bit and you found yourself unable to stop the smile that spread across your features. “I’m being honest,” you reassured him, leaning in slightly.

Kylo stood quickly, letting go of your hand. “I have to- I’ve got to go.” He turned and went to the front door, not looking back at you as he left. You called out to him, the hand he dropped outstretched towards the door. You didn’t understand what just happened. You thought you were connecting. You thought you were finally getting through to him! You started to tear up, finally withdrawing your hand. He left. He just stood up and left. You couldn’t believe it, he just… You were unable to stop the sob that erupted from your chest.

You curled up in the chair you were in, trying to understand what you did wrong. Every emotion that you felt from him had been positive! There was no reason for him to leave you like that. You wiped your eyes and hiccuped. Maybe it wasn’t you. Maybe he just didn’t know how to handle that much affection? You sighed. Either way, it was really shitty of him to leave so quickly.

Not much you could do now besides keep yourself busy until he returned, you thought. You started to clean up the dishes and went about your daily chores, before heading into the library. Maybe reading would help you feel better.

 

* * *

 

It was dark by the time he returned. The front door open and shut, and you felt a slight pressure in your head, notifying you it was Kylo. He stood in the doorway of the library before going to your side and kneeling next to your chair. You kept your gaze on your book, not paying him any mind. If he wanted your attention he needed to work for it.

“I understand you’re upset with me,” he started, his voice deep with emotion, “and it’s justified.” Your eyes flicked to him for a moment. He was staring at you with his deep amber ones, the small lamp in the room casting a soft glow on his face, making his usually sharp features seem less severe. “Go on,” you prompted softly, still not shutting your book.

Kylo swallowed hard, obviously not used to this kind of thing. You sent out encouraging vibes, which seemed to work because he cleared his throat and continued. “My intent. was not to hurt you. I did not know how to handle the situation, so I took myself out of it. I realize now that may not have been. the most mature option. For that I apologize.”

You were stunned. The commander of the First Order just… apologized to you? Life was wild. You shut your book and tentatively set your hand against his cheek. His eyes shut tightly and he leaned into your hand a bit, swallowing hard. “Oh Kylo,” you cooed softly, “I forgive you. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with my words.”

His eyes opened and suddenly he was moving closer, his hands going to grasp yours. He shook his head quickly. “No, that wasn’t it. I felt,” he hesitated. “Happy,” he whispered. “(Y/N), I haven’t felt happiness like that in 15 years.” His gaze was intense as he watched your reaction to his words, his grip on your hands tightening. He started to get a little choked up, tears falling freely down his cheeks. “And never in my life have I felt so much affection and acceptance emanating off one person, especially not towards me.”

You started to tear up a bit, gripping his hands in return. “Kylo, I don’t know what to say,” you admitted, laughing a little as you started to cry. Finally, FINALLY, his lips parted into a smile, a real smile. You felt like your heart was about to burst like a supernova. “Oh Kylo,” you whispered, gripping his hands so tightly you were sure it hurt.

You kissed him. You couldn’t help it. He had looked so beautiful and his emotional waves were filled with so much affection that when combined with your own they created something almost unbearable. He made a soft noise of surprise before returning the kiss hungrily, pushing you back in your chair. His hands rested on the armrests as he tried to keep himself from getting too close. Your hands moved to either side of his face, your nails digging ever so gently into his skin. The kiss felt reckless and beautiful and needy and messy and so many other things, you were sure this was the best kiss you’d ever had, if not the most passionate.

You pulled away for a moment, your eyes locking with his as you both caught your breath. “Wow,” the two of you exhaled at the same time. You giggled softly and that beautiful smile graced his features again. You wish you knew how to put into words how gorgeous he was. His smile widened. “You think I’m gorgeous?” he teased.

You laughed, pulling him into another kiss, this one softer. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have let you stay for so long otherwise,” you teased in return, running your hand through his thick black waves. He hummed in acknowledgment, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek before standing up straight. “Do you want me to make you something?”

Your eyes lit up. “Do you want hot chocolate?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Funny, I figured you would want something you could add honey to.”

You giggled. “I do add honey to my hot chocolate. Anyone who doesn’t is a coward.” You grabbed his uninjured hand and pulled him towards the kitchen. “C’mon, I’ll show you how.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I was just gonna leave it at him leaving, but that made me too sad, so I couldn't do that to y'all.


	5. Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo admits something and you're more than willing to help him out.
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: Explicit content

 

It had been about two weeks since you and Kylo kissed for the first time, and life had gotten significantly easier. While it wasn’t necessarily a declaration of love, there was a bond between the two of you that now left you inseparable. He helped you in the garden and in the workshop, and you read to him at night, letting him rest his head on your lap as the words drifted from your mouth and circled him like a wreath of smoke.

His anger was still present as always, you knew a simple kiss wasn’t going to fix that, but it seemed dull now, like it had lost the firm grip it had around his heart. Kylo gifted you with smiles more often, and once he even laughed. His laugh was incredible, a little rough and stuttery, but possibly the cutest thing you had ever heard.

Sharing the bed with him had become easier as well. You could nestle up next to him and bury your face in his neck, and he would pay you no mind, simply pull you closer. After living alone for so long it was a much welcome change. You were sure he felt the same. Waking up next to him every morning instantly made the day great. He was so cuddly in the morning too, often pressing light kisses against your neck and not letting you get up, no matter how much you insisted that you needed to start breakfast.

Not much had progressed in terms of, ah, physical intimacy. Kylo seemed almost hesitant to touch you, preferring to keep his touches light and away from any,, private parts. You did the same for him, although one time you got a little handsy during a makeout session. He had gotten so flustered that instead of continuing to kiss you, he buried his head in your neck to hide his burning cheeks until you had soothed him enough to convince him to look at you again. After that, you were pretty sure Kylo didn’t have an interest in that kind of relationship, which you were okay with. All you wanted was for him to be comfortable.

He proved you wrong in the middle of the second week. You were reading in the library, fairly absorbed in your book until you felt him standing in front of you. Waves of anxiety rolled off him as he cleared his throat slightly. You shut your book and looked up at him, mouth open to ask what he was doing. “Yes Ky-” Your words were silenced as you got a good look at him.

Kylo stood before you, shirtless, the pants you bought him slung low on his hips. The scar from the crash seemed to glow softly with the red of the forming scar tissue against his snow white skin. Various other scars littered his toned torso and your breath got caught in your throat as you looked him over. This, of course, wasn’t the first time you had seen him shirtless, but it was the first time he had ever willing showed himself to you in a situation that wasn’t a medical emergency.

You worked to pick up your jaw off the floor. “K-Kylo, what’s-?” You didn’t know how to finish your question. All you could think was how damn good he looked, and your mind was happy to supply what he may look like above you. His lips quirked  
into a smile. “You have an awfully dirty mind,” he teased. You met his gaze, still at a loss for words.

His anxiety alleviated a little and his hands flexed by his sides as he took a deep breath. “I would like to further this. Us. You know what I mean.” You didn’t.

“Kylo, I don’t- What are you saying?” you finally managed to get out, still gawking at him. Kylo moved closer, holding out his hand to you. You took the offering and he pulled you to your feet, setting his other hand on your waist.

“I want you,” he said softly, pulling you closer in the process so he could say the next part in your ear. “All of you.” And to think, you had just gotten your jaw hinged again.

You melted against him, inhaling sharply. “Really?” was all you managed to squeak, holding onto him like your life depended on it. He chuckled warmly. “Really,” he assured you.

You set a hand against his chest and pulled back so you could look him in the eye. “Are you sure? I was worried it would make you uncomfortable.” He shook his head. “No it’s just I haven’t- I’ve never…” he trailed off, blushing slightly. He wouldn’t meet your eyes. Your eyes widened, your mouth opening to speak, but he cut you off. “But you seem right. I’m comfortable with you.” He smiled slightly.

You were sure your heart had just liquified and was about to pour out of you. You pressed a little closer to him and put your hand on his face, turning it so he would look at you again. “We are talking about sex, right?” He blushed brighter, laughing. “Yes. We are,” he said, obviously flustered you’d asked so bluntly.

You grinned, using the hand on his head to pull him into a kiss. He returned the kiss eagerly, his arms wrapping around you, enveloping you in him. You guided him into one of the large, comfy armchairs you had in the library, climbing into his lap once he was seated. He smiled up at you. “You’re so handsome,” you sighed, cupping his cheeks in your hands.

“You’re beautiful,” he purred in return, leaning up to kiss you again. His lips interlocked with yours effortlessly, like he was made for you. You fit against him so well, his hands resting perfectly on your hips, it made you wonder how you could’ve ever been with anyone else.

 

* * *

 

Eventually the two of you had managed to move into your bedroom, Kylo’s body carefully pressing you into the mattress. His hands glided over your body, and you arched into his touch, your nails digging insistently into his back. His hips rolled into you, causing little gasps to escape you with each movement. His lips moved to your neck, pressing gentle kisses to your skin. Your hands left his back and undid the buttons on your shirt. Kylo pulled back so he could get a good look at you. He inhaled sharply when he realized that your chest was now completely bared to you.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice sounded like it had dropped an octave, arousal making it rough. You shivered and smiled up at him, lifting yourself up a bit so you could fully remove your shirt. “Thank you,” you said, blushing brightly.

Kylo began to kiss down your chest, his hands tentatively going to your breast. You pressed into his hand, moaning softly. Encouraged, he gently squeezed your breast, his thumb brushing over your nipple. You looked down, watching as Kylo started to suck a hickey under your breast, his lips circling around the forming mark. You took in a shuddering breath, your hand threading through his hair. Once he had finished making his mark, you tugged on his hair slightly.

Kylo moved back up your body, looking at you in slight confusion. “I just wanted a kiss,” you assured him. He grinned, granting your wish with his lips meeting yours. You held him close, your hips pressing into his. He reciprocated with his own movement.

He ground against you, panting softly against your lips, and you felt like you couldn’t take it anymore. “Kylo,” you whined, your hands going to the waistband of his pants and pushing down slightly. He hummed quietly in acknowledgment.

“What is it, (Y/N)?”

You whined again, pressing your hips into him more. “Please?” you asked a little breathlessly.

He smiled, merciless. “Please what?” You squirmed underneath him. “Please, fuck me.”

Seconds after the words left your mouth, it felt like he was devouring you. His mouth was on your neck, one hand was pushing down your bottoms, and the other hand was fondling your breast. The man was a multi-tasking god. You lifted your hips and wiggled out of your pants, quickly going to help him out of his once yours were off.

Suddenly you were both naked in front of each other. All movement ceased. It was as if the planet had stopped spinning and time stood still for a moment. You took him in, all of him, and you knew he was doing the same. Your eyes skimmed over him. He was like an adonis, a god, a dark angel. It was as if a being plucked your ideal mate out of your head and created this glorious being. You felt like you were having a religious experience.

He was on you again in an instant, lust practically oozing out of him. Your hands roamed his torso, going lower until you wrapped your hand around his cock. He inhaled sharply, bucking into your hand ever so slightly. You pumped your hand a few times. The noise he made was possibly the most beautiful noise you’d ever heard. You were quite eager to hear it again. Maybe too eager.

Kylo stopped your hand with a shuddering laugh. “Please, I don’t know how long I’ll last if you keep doing that,” he murmured. You let him move your hand away and smiled up at him, kissing him gently as you laid back. He hovered over you, drinking in the sight of you like a man who had just found an oasis in the desert. “You’re so beautiful,” he said softly, running his hand down your stomach.

“So are you,” you cooed in return. He gifted you with one of his beautiful smiles before kissing you lovingly. You spread your legs and arched up against him, hoping he would get the hint. He did.

You helped him guide himself into you, and he slid in with minimal resistance. When he was fully sheathed inside you, he gripped your hips tightly, staying still as you both adjusted to this new experience. You tried not to squirm under him. The way he filled you was unlike anything you had felt before, and it left you wondering once again if Kylo had been made for you.

Both of you were panting, Kylo’s forehead rested against yours. So many waves of affection and lust rolled off of him you were worried you were going to get swept away. To keep yourself grounded, you dug your nails into Kylo’s shoulders. He smiled softly and leaned down to kiss your neck, his hips twitching slightly. The movement made a tiny moan escape you.

Kylo started to slowly thrust in and out of you, moving remarkably steady if this really was his first time. Your pelvis rose up to meet his a few times, his grip on your hips tightening in an effort to keep you stiller. You moaned quietly into his ear, pulling him closer. His hands left your hips so he could better support himself, and his chest met yours. You practically purred at the contact, arching up into him.

His thrusts started to get a little harder and you jolted slightly as he hit your cervix. He let out a quiet moan, your name tumbling from his lips like a jewel. Your walls contracted around him and he started to thrust faster, still remarkably. In the part of your brain that was far away from this activity, you wondered if maybe it was like a Force thing. You pushed the thought away, not wanting to distract yourself.

“Kylo,” you moaned, rolling your hips into his thrust and squeezing your walls around him again. His thrusts were starting to get more reckless now, his teeth biting into your shoulder. You cried out at the shock of the pain, repeating your previous motion. He released your shoulder and moaned, pulling back so he could watch you. His waves of emotion became even more intense, leaving your head foggy and your body all tingly. It felt intoxicating, like you were floating on a river of clouds.

You could feel it was starting to get too much for him, his movements were erratic and fast, moans slipping from his mouth every few moments. You grabbed his face in your hands, all but smashing your lips against his. He panted lightly against your lips, pulling back so he could watch you. You felt him right at the edge, and it was getting you there too, his emotions intangling with yours like you were one. In the biblical sense you were, you supposed.

His eyes burned into yours as he thrust into you a few more times before ramming into you as he came. The euphoria that washed over you pushed you to your own peak as you cried out his name.

He all but collapsed against you, his head nestled against your chest. You held him there, both of you panting heavily, your hand threading through his hair. He pressed soft kisses to your chest, holding you close. The waves of affection that came from him were so large, you could hardly feel the anger anymore. He lifted himself up so he could kiss you. You returned the kiss happily, smiling against his lips.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice still rough. You giggled. “No need to thank me, it was my pleasure,” you assured him.

He grinned, kissing you again quickly. Then he rolled off you, laying on his back. You snuggled up to him, pressing kisses to his collarbone. “You feel okay?” you asked. He nodded, a smile gracing his features.

“I feel great.” His voice was joyous, his demeanor was calm, and you felt so comfortable against him. You yawned quietly. Maybe too comfortable.

He smiled down at you. “Tired?” You nodded, curling closer to him. He pulled you so you were flush against his side and kissed your forehead. You fell asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late-ish update, I saw The Last Jedi again and didn't have time to write lol


	6. Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a bad dream, Kylo makes breakfast, and you try to figure out what the hell is going on.
> 
>  
> 
> Major The Last Jedi spoiler in this chapter, sorry!!

_“He won’t stay with you forever,” a disembodied voice chided you. “He’ll leave, and he’ll forget all about you. You are nothing to him.”_

_You stood your ground in the void. “That’s not true!” you insisted. “I saved his life!” The voice chuckled. “You think he’s grateful? That he’s indebted to you? You are meaningless. Once he contacts his ship, he’ll be off of Naboo faster than you can say his name,” it hissed._

_You struggled to maintain your stance, turning to see if you could identify the voice. In the darkness of the void, you saw a single tree, its branches wide and heavy with a fruit you couldn’t identify. As you stepped toward it, dark tendrils spread in your direction, circling your ankles unnoticed. You were almost beneath the tree. Two round, yellow eyes with slitted pupils stared at you through the leaves. As you reached to move the leaves, the tendrils around your ankles yanked hard, causing you to crash to the ground. The last thing you saw was a unnaturally large snake staring down at you._

You woke with a start, panting heavily as sweat trickled down the back of your neck. Kylo stirred slightly next to you, but remained sleeping. Working to catch your breath, you sat up. Your bed mate stirred again, his eyes opening. His eyebrows furrowed slightly. “(Y/N)?” he asked, his hand resting on your thigh.

You smiled shakily at him. “I-I’m fine,” you assured him, “just a bad dream is all.” He sat up and wrapped his arm around your waist. His forehead dropped to your shoulder, your hand sliding into his hair. He nudged your neck with his head, kissing you gently when you looked down at him which pulled a soft chuckle from you. He smiled in the way that made your heart melt every time no matter how many times you saw it.

Thoughts twisted and turned in your head, unsaid words pushing against your lips. However, you refused to voice them, choosing instead to kiss Kylo’s forehead. A little pressure pushed at your head. You nudged Kylo, giving him a stern look. He shrugged. “I wanted to see if I could help,” he explained. You smiled slightly. “You could’ve asked.”

“Oh. Right,” he said, his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly. You giggled. “I know you’re probably not used to open communication,” you chided gently, your hand sliding under his chin so you could tilt his head up and kiss him. He nodded, small waves of embarrassment rolling off him.

He cleared his throat slightly, sitting up more. “Can I… make you something to eat?” he asked tentatively. Your eyebrows raised. “You wanna make breakfast this morning?” He nodded in reply, making you smile. You could feel how nervous he was, though, as usual, it was not portrayed in the way he held himself.

You sat back and smiled a little wider. “Sure Kylo, I would love it if you made breakfast this morning.” He smiled and slid out of bed, pressing a kiss to your forehead before leaving your room in just his underwear. Gods, you hated to see him leave, but you loved to watch him go.

Unfortunately, since you were now alone in your bed, you had time to fully digest your dream. You curled up under your quilt, trying your best to push the image of the snake from your head. It haunted you. Something about it had seemed so unnatural, almost… human. Its head had been huge, almost the size of yours, with unblinking eyes that felt like they had been staring into you instead of just at you. The yellow scales on it had glinted slightly, its giant maw curled into an unnatural smile as its tongue had flicked out at you. You were glad you had woken up quickly from that, because if it had been with you any longer you were sure you would’ve cried.

You shook your head in an effort to get the image out, trying to focus on something else instead, such as what you and Kylo had done the night before. You smiled slightly to yourself, flashes of memories pushing your dream to the back of your head. Feeling more relaxed, you sat up, listening to Kylo navigate your kitchen.

You pondered what to call him since the two of you had slept together. Boyfriend? No, you didn’t think he’d want to be tied to you like that. Lover? Ew, that sounded icky. Mate? No, too many weird connotations. Partner? What, were you two gonna rob a bank together?

You rolled onto your stomach and pressed your face into the pillow, yelling into it. Whatever, it didn’t matter anyway. Not like you could tell anyone. Not like you really had anyone to tell, for that matter. You turned back on your back, sighing. Ah well. It be like that sometimes.

Your… whatever the fuck he was, walked in triumphantly with a tray of food, setting it on your bedside table. To your slight surprise, Kylo had made some delicious looking pancakes, putting a jar of honey on the tray instead of syrup. He knew you so well. You grinned up at him and sat up, making yourself comfy. He placed the tray in your lap and climbed onto the bed, sitting criss cross across from you.

“Kylo, this looks great!” He smiled, seeming proud. “I know. I’m quite pleased,” he said, not even attempting to hide his bragging. So cute, even if a little pompous. You almost drowned your pancakes in honey before taking a big bite. They were exactly as good as they looked. You moaned and took another bite.

Kylo looked amused. “Good?” he questioned, obviously already knowing the answer. You nodded eagerly, offering him a bite. He took it, looking even more pleased once he swallowed. You finished what you could eat and pushed the rest to him, drinking the glass of orange juice he had also brought.

He finished and set the plates and tray on the bedside table again. He moved on top of you, kissing you hard enough that your head hit the headboard. You kissed back with equal fervor, pushing him a little so he laid next to you. You cuddled up to him and continued kissing. His lips spread into a soft smile against yours, his arms wrapping around you. You felt so content in that moment, you easily forgot about the dream and melted into his kiss.

 

* * *

 

It was a few days before you thought of the snake again. Once you did, the words it had hissed at you rung in your head as clear as it had the first time. You were alone for once, Kylo off reading or something. You were thankful for the small reprieve in company, but less than pleased at being alone with your thoughts.

You were gardening when it hit you. Kylo had been with you for almost 6 weeks, and you couldn’t help but wonder if the First Order was missing their commander. Why had no one come looking for him? Or even try to contact him? You shook your head, continuing to weed out the uninvited plants trying to steal nutrients from your vegetables.

Maybe you should talk to him about it, you pondered, sitting back on your haunches. What if he didn’t want to talk about it? You hummed in thought. Well, if that was the case, maybe you would just force it out of him. You stood, brushing the dirt off yourself before going inside.

Kylo met you in the living room, his usual stoicism still, somehow, in full force. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” you replied.

Riveting conversation.

You cleared your throat. “I think that we should talk about some things,” you started, gesturing to the couch. He eyed you suspiciously before sitting down. You sat in the chair across from him, leaning forward slightly. He watched you, waves of anxiety washing over you. You smiled reassuringly and the waves alleviated a little.

“You’ve been here for about six weeks now, and I think it’s quite odd that the First Order hasn’t tried to get in touch with you.” Well. That’s a way to start.

Kylo seemed a bit taken aback. “How do you know they haven’t?” he shot back, now on defensive. You held up your hands, pleading with him mentally not to get angry with you. “I just mean, I’d figured you would have left me by now. Not that I’m not happy you’re here! Because I am! So happy! I just don’t understand why someone as important as you remains away from your post.”

He shrugged slightly, now not meeting your eyes. He chose instead to stare out the window at his wrecked shuttle that remained in your yard. The Naboo environment had started to claim it, vines beginning to grow up the side.

“Kylo, is there something you’re not telling me?” you asked tentatively, leaning forward. He only hummed in reply, leaving you no hints to decipher what that meant. There was a heavy silence between you before he finally spoke. “(Y/N), I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Yeah, you guessed, you supplied in your head. He shot you a look. Whoops, he heard you.

He was quiet for another moment. He looked you in the eye. “I’m not commander of the First Order.” Your eyes widened, your mouth opening to speak words you didn’t have yet. He silenced you with a hand raised. “I’m Supreme Leader.” Now you were really shook.

You sputtered, “S-Supreme Leader?? But wasn’t Snoke Supreme Leader?? What-” You were cut off again, pain etched on his features. “(Y/N), please, be patient. I’ll tell you.”

He began to tell you about meeting Rey, their force connection, and the Battle in the red room. You listened to everything he said with wide eyes, giving him your undivided attention. When he finished, you were speechless. He watched your reaction, chewing slightly on his bottom lip.

“Kylo, I-” you took a deep breath. “Wow. That’s… intense. I had no idea.” He nodded sagely, remaining quiet. “You’re so brave for doing that. I’m sure that must have taken a lot of strength.” You had heard rumors that Kylo had a tortured childhood, Snoke reaching into his mind when he was so young. You were sure there must be some truth to them, considering what he had just told you.

You two watched each other for a few moments before you got up and sat next to him on the couch. You reached for his hand and he gave it to you readily, squeezing once your fingers were interlocked. “I didn’t tell you because I was unsure how you would react,” he admitted. “It’s one thing to house a member of the First Order. It’s quite another to house the Leader.” You nodded mutely, and he continued.

“I have been in contact with the senior members of my crew, simply telling them what their orders are. They don’t know where I am or what I’m doing. It’s not their business anyway,” he said, a little gruff. You smiled at that. “So what does that mean for us?”

He hesitated, gripping your hand a little tighter. You could feel how uncomfortable he was, how much he had been avoiding the question. “I’m. Not sure. I don’t want to leave yet.” You felt relieved, but you knew there was a ‘but’ coming. “But,” there it was, “I do need to get back eventually. Everything happened so fast, I didn’t have time to think this far,” he admitted.

You remained silent, running your free hand through your hair. You didn’t know what to think at this point, besides that you had fucked the supreme leader of the First Order. Kylo let out a laugh next to you, letting you know he had heard that. It made you smile.

“Well,” you finally said, looking him in the eye, “I guess we’ll figure it out when the time comes, right?”

Kylo nodded. “Right.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is late, school started up again and I've been a little swamped :/ I should get settled soon though, so don't worry! I refuse to abandon this fic I like it too much


	7. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo get into a fight and he apologizes. There's a lot of sighing.
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: Explicit content

You were anxious. Like, really anxious. Everyday you woke up with a feeling of dread that that day was going to be the day Kylo left. You didn’t know how or when he would, but you knew he’d have to eventually. It was lowkey tearing you apart. Kylo knew, obviously, because it was mostly all you thought about. He did his best to comfort you, mostly staying by your side throughout the day. He helped you in the garden and in your workshop, making you breakfast in the morning so you could relax. He never outright talked with you about the issue, but his presence was calming.

Your nightmares started to worsen as your anxiety did, which totally fucked with your sleep cycle. Kylo had taken to holding you tightly while you attempted to sleep so you didn’t thrash so much. Sometimes it got so bad he would use the Force to sooth you, worming his way into your mind. He saw your dreams, your inner most thoughts, your fears. You had no knowledge of this intrusion, but you did notice his slight change in demeanor. He became gentler in appearance, his expression no longer as stoic as it once was. It was like he was closer to you, like he felt connected to you in someway. The emotions rolling off of him were softer now, filled with affection and something almost attune to love, though perhaps that was a major assumption.

The day you realized you were in love with Kylo Ren wasn’t a particularly special day. You were just sitting in your library, reading when he brought you a cup of hot chocolate, completely unprompted, along with a jar of honey. He handed them to once you set down your book. “I thought about putting it in there for you, but I wasn’t sure how much to put in and I didn’t want to ruin it.” His tone was gentle, like he didn’t want to startle you. The fact that he had done something so kind for you, specifically to make you happy, filled you with a joy that immeasurable.

“I love you.” The words were out before you even had time to fully process it. It happened so quickly, it left the both of you just staring at each other. You knew he heard you. He knew you knew. Your eyes met his and a wave of anxiety washed over you. Who it originated from, you weren’t sure. Kylo stared at you for another moment before turning and walking out of the room. You didn’t blame him.

You stirred honey into your cocoa and sipped it thoughtfully, mulling over if you did really love him or not. Was 7 weeks enough time to love someone? You certainly had feelings for him, pretty strong feelings, but love? It had been so long since you’d had a real relationship, you weren’t sure you could even remember what love felt like. You sighed and sipped your drink, leaning back in your chair so you could stare at the ceiling. You knew you had just complicated everything, and Kylo was probably stressing about it too. Eventually you’d need to talk about it, but knowing him, he’d probably try to push it off. Now now, you chided yourself, you don’t want to talk about it anymore than he does.

You stood from your spot, deciding the best thing to do was get some space so you could better think about things. You took a large swig of your drink and slipped out of the library, looking to see if Kylo was near. When you determined he was not, you left through the front door, retracing the path you and Kylo took the first week he was here. The scenery calmed you significantly. At one point you stopped in a field of wildflowers and just laid down, watching the fluffy clouds move through the sky. You reminisced on Kylo’s time here, thinking about how 7 weeks alone with someone was a long time. Like, a really long time when you were completely isolated.

You hummed contently and turned over slightly, plucking a flower from the ground. You turned it over between your fingers, watching the soft pink petals twirl. The flower reminded you of a game you used to play as a young lady, back when you were still innocent. You gently removed one of the petals, letting it fall to the ground. “He loves me.” Another petal fell. “He loves me not.” Another. “He loves me.” Another. “He loves me not.” The last one fell and a small smile graced your features. “He loves me.”

You knew it was childish, but in a way you felt it was the flowers’ way of telling you things would be alright. You sighed and laid back on your back, continuing your riveting sport of cloud-watching. A light breeze ruffled the grass around you, the sun warmed you to a cozy degree, and suddenly you felt like all of your problems were nonexistent. A few bees buzzed near you, but they didn’t bother you, focused only on their duty to the hive. What a life, you thought. No cares, just pollination. Ideal. You shifted around so you could get more comfy, your eyelids drooping closed. You let out a contented sigh.

 

* * *

 

You didn’t realize you had fallen asleep until you were awoken by someone frantically calling your name. You sat up and rubbed your eyes, looking up at the sky. It had taken on a orange hue on the horizon, with light pink bleeding into blue to form purple. The sky was so beautiful at sunset, you thought dreamily. Wait, sunset? You must have been out for a while. A pressure built up in the back of your head and you whimpered slightly. The voice that had been calling your name finally had a body to go along with it as Kylo slid into your line of sight. You felt waves of anger and worry wash over you, so large they almost knocked you over as you stood. You tilted a bit, flailing before catching yourself.

He was on you in an instant, his hands on your waist to make sure you were steady. You could feel the worry start to outweigh the anger and it made you smile a bit. However, once he saw you were okay, the anger returned full force. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? I couldn’t find you anywhere,” he scolded. You scoffed slightly.

“Sorry mom, I didn’t realize I needed to check in with you before I left my own house,” you sassed back. The hand on your waist tightened almost painfully. You winced slightly and pushed his hand away.

When he spoke, it was through gritted teeth. “You are behaving like a petulant child.” You could feel your own anger growing to match his.

“Oh, like you’re one to talk! Remember that tantrum you threw in my workshop?” you shot back.

He growled, but didn’t reply immediately, his anger tinged with regret for a moment. “Well at least I didn’t leave for 7 hours without so much as a note. 7 hours, (Y/N)! I thought you were dead,” he hissed.

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t be such a drama queen. I just fell asleep is all.” You could feel his frustration with you as clearly as you could feel your own.

“Well then, if you think I’m being dramatic, perhaps next time I won’t come looking for you at all.” With that, he turned away and stalked back to the cottage, leaving you alone in the quickly dimming light. “Good!” you yelled, needing to have the last word. You stuck your tongue out at his back before sitting down and crossing your arms over your chest.

Once your anger faded, you started to feel sad. You knew Kylo had just been worried about you, and you’d been bratty in return. You ran your hand through your hair, sighing. You considered going to the house to apologize, but your petty side kept you rooted to the ground. He had no right to be so angry at you! It’s not like he was the one who confessed his love and you were the one who left immediately.

The wind whipped into your suddenly and you shivered, the chill cutting into your bones. Now that the sun was gone, things were going to get cool fast, and you had no method of keeping warm beside the thin long sleeved shirt you wore.

With a sigh you stood, heading for the house. You took your sweet time though, not wanting to give Kylo the satisfaction of having you home so soon after a fight. Once you were close enough to the house you could feel his range of emotions roll over you, more volatile than you’d ever felt them.

When you entered the house, you could see the emotion as well. Luckily, this time he didn’t put his fist through a window, but he was kneeling in the middle of the living room, a few knocked over chairs around him. He didn’t look up as you approached him, choosing instead to stare at the ground. You knelt next to him and set a hand on his back, feeling a sob leave him.

All traces of anger immediately left the both of you once he finally met your eyes. Tears streaked down his cheeks, his face pale and his eyes red and puffy. “I’m sorry Kylo,” you said softly, scooting closer to him and sitting. He shook his head and sniffled, his body relaxing as he leaned against you.

“Please don’t apologize. None of this is your fault.” His words somewhat shocked you. You didn’t realize he would so readily take the blame. “I let my worry get the better of me,” he admitted. Another shocker.

You rubbed his back gently, pulling him closer. He looked at you with apologetic eyes, his emotions dulling from tsunami level waves to those of the lake near your house. You smiled and you could feel his heart lighten at the action. “I forgive you,” you said gently, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear as you kissed his forehead.

He kissed you lovingly, and you returned it, moving to sit in his lap. He held you close, so close you could feel his heart beating rapidly against your chest. It was so cute you wanted to cry.

You deepened the kiss, your hand threading into his black waves. His hands moved down your back to your ass, squeezing while simultaneously pulling you closer. You hummed softly against his lips and ran your tongue lightly along his bottom lip. His lips quirked into a small smile and you pulled back to look at him, causing him to smile wider.

You kissed his cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” you purred, your free hand sliding up his chest. He shivered slightly before answering with, “You’re even more beautiful.” You laughed softly and kissed him again, your arms slipping around his neck. His grip on you tightened and he shifted, standing up. You squeaked and tightened your hold on him, drawing a chuckle out of him. “Relax,” he said, carrying you from the living room to the bedroom.

You pressed kisses to his neck until he laid you on the bed, taking off his shirt before climbing on top of you. You pulled him into another kiss, your hand sliding down his chest. Your fingertips slid along the scar on his stomach, drawing a shudder and a soft hiss from his gritted teeth. You smiled, pushing him back a little so you could look at it. “Fate is funny sometimes, isn’t it?” you asked quietly, your fingers still on the fading line. Kylo hummed in reply, choosing to kiss your neck instead of fully answering you. You let him, sighing contently.

His hand went to your breast, groping you gently through your shirt. You arched into his touch, prompting him to slip his hand under the thin fabric. Electricity zipped through your body when his skin touched yours. You wiggled a little under him and let out a soft whine. You felt him smile against your skin before you felt the sharp pain of his teeth biting into you. A gasp left you and as quick as it happened, he was off. With his free hand he pushed up your shirt, his mouth moving to the valley between your breasts.

You relaxed, your hand threading through his hair as he began to suck a hickey into your chest. He settled himself comfortably on top of you, his left hand inching down your stomach to your crotch. A muffled moan left you when he began to rub you through your pants.

Your eyebrows furrowed when you felt a light pressure at the back of your skull. “K-Kylo?” you questioned, your voice cracking slightly. The pressure worsened a little, but it was hardly noticeable once Kylo slid his hand into your pants and underwear, his finger sliding over your slit. Your back arched when he slid his middle finger into you. The pressure in your head was gone, replaced with a light buzzing. Waves of lust rolled off of Kylo, and you felt as if a cloud had taken place of your brain, his emotions completely overtaking you. His lust was your lust. You let out a needy moan, your walls clenching around his finger until finally, he started to move his hand.

An unusual pressure started on your clit. You knew it wasn’t his hand, because you didn’t feel any skin. Was that…? No, he couldn’t. That’s definitely not how the force works, you thought. Kylo huffed out a laugh. The pressure on your clit began to move.

You cried out when Kylo slid another finger into you, his free hand pushing your pants down to your ankles, you underwear going down along with them. Your eyes were screwed shut, jaw clenched tightly to prevent yourself from making too much noise. Kylo cooed out your name and you felt like you were about to melt. “Open your eyes, honey,” he purred, his fingers curling inside you. You gasped and did as you were told.

His amber eyes met your (y/e/c) ones. Something almost electric buzzed between the two of you, and you felt a knot forming in your stomach. Panting, you pulled him into an almost frantic kiss, your hips pushing up into his hand. His fingers started to thrust quickly in and out of you, drawing noises from you that you didn’t even know you could make. He pulled out of the kiss to watch your face, his fingers curling in you again, pressing your g-spot with a sort of expertise you didn’t expect.

All you could see was white. The knot inside you snapped. Your insides were on fire and you were sure you had just melted into the mattress, even though you could feel your back arching violently off of it. A sharp ringing noise was all you could hear. Then you were floating, untethered. Pure ecstasy.

It took a few moments for everything to clear. The first thing you saw was Kylo smiling down at you, his eyes shining with pride. Your chest was heaving as you tried to catch your breath. He ran his clean hand through your hair, wiping off the one covered in your cum on his pants. You watched him with only slight understanding, still hazy from your orgasm.

“You alright?” he asked, amusement clear in his voice. All you could do was nod, lickinging your lips. After a few more moments you realized he hadn’t cum, or really been touched at all. “Do you-”

He stopped you mid sentence with a raised hand. “No no, that was my apology. I’m fine,” he assured you, kissing you lovingly. You returned his kiss happily. “Are you sure?” you insisted. He nodded, laying next to you. He pulled you close, kissing your forehead. “I’m sure.”

You sighed contently and nuzzled him, cuddling closer. “Thank you,” you said softly. He hummed in reply. You looked up at him, a question burning in the back of your head. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

A mischievous grin crossed his features. “I found what you wanted me to do,” he said simply.

That sneaky, mind-reading son of a bitch. “Unfair advantage,” you whined, pouting slightly. He laughed, and your pout broke into a smile. “You weren’t complaining at the time,” he teased. He had a point. You stuck your tongue out at him, causing him to snicker and hold you closer. “Get some rest. I’m sure that was tiring.”

You nodded, kicking your pants off before getting under the covers. Kylo joined you, yawning as he stretched out. You cuddled up to him, your brain already closing up for the night.

Right before you were completely out, you could’ve sworn you heard something close to “I love you too,” slip from his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made it long to make up for long periods between updates, hope you liked it <3


	8. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your worst fear happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and sad, and I'm sorry, but it just hit me really hard.

You were jolted awake by the sound of something large landing outside. You tightened your grip on Kylo, who was already sitting up. You could feel anger rolling off him. “Kylo?” you asked, fear tinging your sleepy voice. He looked down at you and his face softened, his hand coming up to caress your cheek. “Wait right here, honey, I’ll be back in a moment.”

He slid out of bed and pulled on his shirt, leaving the room. You got out of bed and slipped on your robe, peaking out your window. A First Order command shuttle was parked in front of your cottage, Armitage Hux coming out of the hatch. Your jaw dropped. Oh no oh no oh no, your mind raced. This was bad, this was really bad.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux called out as Kylo approached him, disgust dripping from his voice. You guessed he hated calling Ren that. You heard Kylo reply but you couldn’t make out what he said. The two men made tense conversation until you guessed Hux said something snarky, because moments later he was on the ground clutching his throat while Kylo’s hand twisted in the air. The show of power terrified you, though the back part of your brain thought it was a little hot.

You watched as Kylo stormed back towards your cottage and scrambled towards the door so you could meet him. “Kylo, what’s happening?” you asked as he entered, somehow shutting the door gingerly behind him. Pure rage rolled off him, but it softened slightly when he saw you, pulling you into an embrace. When he spoke his voice was gentle. “I have to go, (Y/N).” There it was. Your worst fear. You couldn’t stop the sob that escaped you.

“P-please don’t,” you begged, pulling back to look at him. “What will I do without you?” He smiled slightly at the question and ran his hand through your hair. “You’ll do what you always have,” he answered. “I won’t be gone for long. I promise I’ll come back for you,” he assured you.

You sniffled, letting the tears fall freely down your face. “How do you know?” you protested. “What if you-?” A sob escaped you before you could finish your sentence. He gripped your shoulders tightly, making you look at him.

“(Y/N). I will come back for you. For right now, you’re safest here.” His tone was serious, and you knew none of your begging would make him stay. You nodded and leaned against him, his arms wrapping around you. “But, I love you,” you said weakly. You felt him inhale sharply, his arms tightening around you. “I love you too,” he replied softly. “Which is why I’ll come back.”

You looked up at him, leaning up to kiss him. The kiss was passionate, that of a goodbye, but a reassurance he was telling the truth. “Be back soon,” you said with a tired smile. Kylo returned your smile, kissing your forehead.

Hux let out another call of “Supreme Leader!” and Kylo growled, his rage returning. “I’ve got to go,” he said, giving you another kiss before pulling away from your embrace, your hands reaching out to him as he exited the cottage, not looking back. You ran to the window and watched him board the shuttle, pure misery overtaking you. You watched the ship take off and collapsed against the wall, sobs racking your body.

He had almost made it to 8 weeks. Kylo Ren had been with you for almost two months. There had been times when he was insufferable, but generally you had been happy with him. You curled your knees up to your chest, still crying. Now he was gone, and even if he said he would come back for you, he didn’t tell you when. It could be anywhere from weeks to years and you’d just have to live with it. Slip back into solitude. The thought made you want to vomit.

Your brain tortured you with thoughts of his laugh, his smile, the way his hands felt on your skin. Another sobbed escaped you. This was worse than any break up you’d ever had. You could only wonder how he felt. You were sure you were the most intimate relationship he’d ever had, and to just be ripped from that- You shook your head.

It had to happen eventually, you thought after crying for an hour. He had responsibilities. He was important. You were nothing, yet he had been entirely yours for two months. You sighed, your head settling back against the wall.

You suddenly felt overcome with anger. You hated Hux for taking your love from you. A small part of you hoped Kylo hurt him for it but you waved thought away, ashamed of yourself for thinking such a thing.

You pondered on what to do now. Glancing at the clock, you saw it was 3 am. You sighed and stood from the floor, getting into bed. It felt so empty without Kylo. You started to cry again, holding onto the pillow that he used. When you pressed your face into it you could smell him faintly. That’s how you fell asleep, your face pressed into his pillow with a hope that he wouldn’t take too long in his return. You believed him when he said he would come back to you. You didn’t have the choice not to. If he didn’t come back, you were sure your heart would break. 


	9. Quixotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You dream, get a message, and make two new friends!

You stopped counting days after the first week and stopped counting weeks after it had been a month. It had been six months and you were starting to wonder if you should stop counting completely. The first month had felt like agony, but it had boiled down to a light suffering. They said time heals all wounds, but you had a theory it was only the physical wounds.

Thinking of wounds brought him to your mind again. You hoped everything had healed well. It had been healing fine when he left, but that didn’t mean their medics were any good.

Your bed felt so empty without him, and your nightmares were more vivid than ever. That stupid snake stuck with you, often pulling you up into its tree. It would whisper things in your ear about how Kylo was doing, and most of the things it said seemed eerily possible. Surprisingly, not all of them were bad. The snake told of conquests and killings, sure, but sometimes it told you simple things like how much Kylo missed you or what he ate for dinner. You realized it wasn’t really evil, more like it told you what it thought you needed to hear. You pondered if it was your subconscious but like, a snakey version.

As time went on, you and the snake developed something of a friendship. You didn’t really speak to it though, just let it hiss in your ear. You’d lay among the branches of the fruit tree, allowing the snake’s heavy body to wrap around you. The weight brought you comfort and sometimes the snake would ask you to stroke its head. You found it endearing when it did that. It reminded you of when Kylo had first come to you.

Your depression was in full swing whenever you were awake. You found it hard to eat or leave your house, hardly going into your workshop anymore. Your creativity was gone, like it had been tied to Kylo when he boarded that ship. Nothing interested you anymore. Even honey held little interest for you. Eating it, sometimes just looking at it, reminded you too much of your lost love.

Sleep was the only thing that brought you comfort now. It was the only way to alleviate the crushing nothingness that had settled over you. When the dreams came, you’d stopped calling them nightmares, it was sudden but welcome. Like someone pushing you into a pool while you were on fire.

_You approached the tree as usual. This time you circled it, looking at the tempting red fruit that hung from it. The tendrils near your feet didn’t scare you anymore. With a simple brush of your hand they would vanish.  
_

_The snake lowered its massive head and hissed in greeting. You gave it a smile, using its neck to climb up to the branches. “Nice to see you again,” it mused, letting you get comfortable before curling around you. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon though.” You shrugged, not giving it a firm answer.  
_

_It hummed and rested its head on your shoulder, producing a noise close to purring. “He thought about you a lot today,” it told you. “Oh?” you asked. “And how do you know?”  
_

_The snake hissed but continued, not giving you an answer either. “He’s losing interest in his current outing. He’s been so sad since he left,” it cooed. You sighed and leaned back, resting your head on its scales. “That makes both of us.”  
_

_“Keep faith,” it hissed, closer to your face now. “He WILL return.” You hummed and shut your eyes. “I know. You keep telling me that.”  
_

_It nudged you with its nose, its tongue flicked out at you. “I’ll be shedding soon,” it informed you. “I won’t be able to talk to you during that time.” You opened one eye, frowning slightly. “Why’s that?”  
_

_If snakes could roll their eyes, it would have. “Because, dumby, I don’t want you messing it up. Human contact and a snake’s shed don’t mix well,” it hissed. You shut your eye and nodded. “Okay, well, thank you for notifying me.”  
_

_It hummed and rested its head on your shoulder again, satisfied now that it had told you. Then the dream ended._

 

* * *

 

A knocking at your door roused you from your nap. You got up from your couch in confusion, pushing down your messy hair the best you could. Opening the door you saw two stormtroopers standing shoulder to shoulder. The sight brought a jolt of fear and a jolt of hope. “Can I… help you?” you questioned, taking a step back.

“(Y/N) (L/N)?” one of them asked. The trooper in question sounded feminine. “Yes,” you said hesitantly, nodded your head.

“Supreme Leader Ren has sent us down here to ensure your safety and continued survival,” she told you. A bolt of electricity ran through you. You stepped closer to the troopers, trying to see over their shoulders. “Kylo? Is he here??” you asked quickly, even though you knew he wasn’t. You would’ve been able to feel him.

“No ma’am,” the trooper said, sounding sad to disappoint you. The other stormtrooper gently pushed you back inside. “The Supreme Leader has been extremely busy since his return.”

You stepped back with a sigh, sorrow washing over you once more. “Oh. I see.”

The other stormtrooper piped up. “He did send his sincere apologies though!” This trooper sounded female as well. “He said he would try to contact you as soon as possible! Plus we’ll help you with anything you need,” she said cheerfully. You liked her.

Both of them seemed very nice. You pondered for a moment if Kylo had asked for the nicest troopers available. The thought made you smile. “Thank you. What are your names?”

“I’m SM-3519,” said the more cheerful one. “And I’m GN-9824,” said the other.  
You gestured to their helmets. “Can you… remove those? Not to be rude, but it’s kinda freaking me out.”

The stormtroopers obliged. SM-3519 looked somewhat like you expected. She had medium blonde hair and startling blue eyes that stood out against her bronze skin. Her cheeks were round and full. She smiled at you in a way that warmed you to her instantly.

GN-9824 on the other hand seemed to be the opposite of her companion. Her hair was short and dark, nearly the same color of her almond shaped eyes. A smattering of freckles crossed her pale skin. Her face was gaunt and proud. The way she spoke to you made you realize that while she may have a serious case of resting bitch face, she would be as kind as her companion.

“Your names are a little wordy. Do you mind if I shorten them?” SM-3519 looked eager for a nickname, and surprisingly GN-9824 did as well. “Please,” they said simultaneously.

You pointed to SM-3519 and dubbed her Sam. Her grin got somehow wider. Then you turned to GN-3519 and dubbed her Gina. She nodded and gifted you a smile.

You stepped out of the doorway, sweeping your hand to invite them in. “Sorry the place is messy uh, I wasn’t really expecting anyone.” Sam bounced in and Gina followed behind her, both of them setting their helmets down on the kitchen counter.

“No problem,” Gina assured you, “This is the nicest place we’ve been in a while. Very homey.” You smiled, blushing slightly. “Thanks. Can I make you some food or get you a drink or something?” you asked.

Gina asked for a glass of water, and Sam asked for hot chocolate. You grinned and began to make it, getting out a jar of honey. Your heart raced a little as you looked at it and thought of Kylo, but it passed quickly, your need to be a good hostess overwhelming your depression for a moment.

“So what did you do with the First Order?” you asked the both of them once you had given each their drinks and showed Sam about putting honey in her hot chocolate.

“Gina was combat,” Sam answered cheerfully, “and I was janitorial. Of course, I’m also trained in combat but I don’t really have stomach for battle.” She said it so casually that you forgot both of them were trained to kill. The thought made you feel a little ill.

“Will you be staying in here or…?” you trailed off, looking around your small cottage. You figured if you moved some things around you may have enough room for two, but it’d be a stretch. Gina shook her head. “Oh no ma’am, we wouldn’t want to impose. We’ll be staying on the shuttle we came in. It’s got two bunks and a refresher for us, so we’ll be out of your hair for the most part.”

You let out a little sigh of relief. “Thanks Gina. But please, you’re more than welcome here. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask okay?” Gina nodded and Sam grinned at you from the couch. “We’re gonna get along swimmingly, I can tell,” she said excitedly.

You hoped she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last chapter was so sad, but he’ll be back... eventually!


	10. Loquacious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You start to learn a new skill, talk to someone unexpected, and tell your new friends a little too much information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and with a cliff hanger sorry!

As it turned out, Sam was right, the three of you got along very well. Sam helped you in the garden, she was surprisingly good at weeding, and Gina showed you around the shuttle, showing you how the controls worked. “If you want, I can show you how to fly it,” she offered one day. The thought intrigued you. “Maybe,” you said with uncertainty, “Let me think about it, okay?”

She let you think about it for a month before asking again. In all honesty, you hadn’t thought about it all, but she asked you with such conviction that you felt inclined to say yes. When you told her she could teach you, she grinned and clapped you on the shoulder, her eyes gleaming with pride. You weren’t sure why she was so excited but it made you happy to make her happy.

The first lesson was simple. Gina explained to you how the ship ran and what its fuel source was, then telling you how to start it. She gestured to the control panel. “Now do it.”

You paled. “Oh I don’t know, are you sure?” Gina nodded, having full confidence in you. “Go for it,” she encouraged.

You took a seat in the pilot’s chair, slowly pushing the switch that started the shuttle engine. You startled as the floor under you started to rumble slightly. You looked at Gina in a panic. She gave you an encouraging thumbs up, which relaxed you a little. Your hands went to the steering wheel automatically and Gina guided your movements carefully.

She helped you lift the shuttle off the ground, hover for a moment and then put it back down. “That was so wonderful, (Y/N)! I’m so proud of you!!” You grinned at her and shut off the engine. “Thanks Gina!”

A buzzing from the shuttle consol made you jump. A small, blue hologram appeared, and you looked at Gina in a panic. Her eyes were fixed on the hologram as it formed into a tiny chrome stormtrooper. You watched as Gina stood at attention, saluting the trooper.  
“C-Captain Phasma! Hello ma’am,” she said nervously.

“At ease, GN-9824. Where is your helmet?” came the tinny reply. Gina gulped, stuttering for a reply. You decided to help your new friend. You stood and stepped into frame, waving slightly. “Hi, um, Captain Phasma, right? That was my request.”

If a stormtrooper helmet could narrow its eyes, you were sure her’s would have. “And who are you?” she asked. You had to stop for a moment to think. “Um,,” you blanked. Gina stepped in for you. “She’s the mission the Supreme Leader sent us on.”

Phasma let out a thoughtful hum. “Ah yes. You were the one who kept Supreme Leader Ren for two months. Interesting.” You blushed, taking a step back and and going a little bit behind Gina.

Phasma turned her attention back to your guard. “Where is SM-3519?” she inquired.

“Right here,” Sam chirped, coming up behind the two of you. You jumped, moving closer behind Gina. “I see you are helmetless as well,” Phasma mused as Sam bounded into frame.

“Guilty as charged,” she said, saluting her superior officer. Phasma waved away her salute with a sigh. “Well, as long you are doing as the Supreme Leader asked, I suppose it doesn’t matter if you wear your helmets or not.”

“Thank you, Captain,” you said from behind Gina, peeking over her shoulder to see the hologram. Captain Phasma waved away your thanks and simultaneously shut off the the hologram, her small form disappearing. The three of you let out a collective sigh, you leaning on Gina and Sam leaning on you.

“That was nerve wracking,” you said. “How do you put up with that?” Gina laughed at your question. “We were raised with it, (Y/N). But I can never quite get used to it,” she said with a sigh. A moment of silence spread over you as you collectively relaxed. “Well, that was a productive day. Let’s eat.”

 

* * *

 

Making dinner for three was surprisingly easier than you expected. You made a nice stew with vegetables from your garden, serving it in the china your mother gifted you when you moved to the country, as that was the only matching set of dishes you had.

Both girls applauded your cooking, as they often did, once they had finished eating. Sam leaned back in her chair and stretched out, yawning. “So (Y/N), what was the Supreme Leader like?” she asked nonchalantly. You choked on your drink.

The question made you think for a moment, trying to decide what information was best to share with them. Sorrow washed over you as you thought of how much time you and Kylo had spent apart, how much you missed him. You inhaled deeply to push away the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes.

“He was… emotional. I’ve never felt such emotion in an individual before,” you sighed. “He could be kind, but he could also be cruel. He was stoic for most of the time.”

Sam and Gina listened with interest as you continued. “He was strong, he exuded power.” Sam grinned at that. “I hear he’s hot,” she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. It drew a chuckle from you as you nodded.

“I found him quite attractive, yeah. He looks pretty good naked too,” you couldn’t help but throw in. The girls gawked at you in silence for a moment until Sam yelled, “You’ve seen him naked??”

You blushed brightly and laughed, a real genuine laugh, one you hadn’t let out in a long time. They continued to press you on the matter until you finally cracked. “Maybe…” you said shyly.

“Oh my god, (Y/N), you guys didn’t like…” Gina trailed off, looking at you expectantly. You chose to stay silent, nodding. This riled up both of them. Sam begged to know the gritty details while Gina was more interested in the events that led up to your intimacy with Supreme Leader Ren.

You refused to answer their questions. “Guys,” you whined, “He’s your superior officer. This is inappropriate.” Gina abided by your words, nodding in understanding, but Sam continued to push it. “That’s what makes it fascinating,” she pleased. “Pleeeease?” 

You shook your head. “No, he’d be furious if he knew I even told you as much as I have!”

Sam made a zipping motion across her lips. “C’mon, (Y/N), we won’t tell, promise!” You rolled your eyes. “He can read minds y’know…”

Gina’s eyes shone with excitement. “No shit, really?” You looked at her in surprise. That was the first time you had heard her curse in the 3 or so months you’d known her. “Yeah. It hurts when he does it though.” She looked disappointed at that.

Sam tried to press you for more information but you held up your hands. “No more. I’m done for the night. It’s your turn to do dishes anyway, Sam.” She pouted but you ignored it, leaving the house for your workshop.

Stepping inside, you took a deep breath, your eye automatically drawn to the fist-sized hole in the window. The sight made you lose the resolve you’d been building as you remembered the night that it’d happened. You sat down heavily on your workshop bench and rubbed your eyes, sick of fighting tears. You let yourself cry freely, alone in quiet room.

You got lost in your thoughts, still crying when Gina ran in with a panic. You stood and wiped your eyes, quickly trying to hide all traces of sadness. “What’s wrong?” you asked.

“Incoming message from the Supreme Leader,” she panted. “It’s for you.”


	11. Glimpse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You receive a message and say goodbye.

You skidded into the shuttle, panting as you approached the consol. Sam turned to you and moved out of the way, allowing you to see the hologram. “Get out,” the small version of the Supreme Leader ordered your two friends. They were quick to turn around and skedaddle, leaving you alone with the blue version of their superior officer.

 

It took all of your strength not to collapse once you saw him. “Kylo,” you said breathlessly. You could tell from his stance that his relief mirrored your own. The two of you just stared at each other for a few moments, drinking in the sight of each other. 

 

“I miss you,” you said softly. His mouth tightened into a line, and you could tell he was trying to hold back tears like you were. “I know,” he said quietly in return.

 

“It’s been almost a year.” Your voice cracked.

 

“I know.”

 

You burst into tears and crumpled to your knees. You couldn’t help it. His hologram went to its knees as well, his arms outstretched like they would circle you if they could. 

 

“Kylo, I miss you so fucking much,” you sobbed, your hands covering your mouth to reign in the uglier noises you were prone to making. Kylo’s body shook. When he spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “I miss you too.”

 

He let you cry for a few minutes before speaking again. “I’m coming to get you,” he said firmly. You looked up at him in surprise. “You’re… what?” 

 

“I’m coming to get you,” he repeated. “I’ll be near Naboo soon. GN-9824 and SM-3519 will bring you to my ship. We’ll be together again.”

 

You sniffled and wiped your eyes. “But, what about my home here?” The thought of leaving your cottage was almost as distressing as not seeing Kylo again. His expression softened. 

 

“I can’t stay with you there, but I can’t be away from you any longer. Please, (Y/N),” he pleaded. “Come to me.”

 

Well when he put it like that… You nodded. “Okay. Okay I will.” He smiled and it pushed away any doubts you had. You would’ve gone anywhere for him. 

 

“I’ll see you soon then. Tell your troopers to prepare the ship. I’ll send them the coordinates,” he told you, standing again. You stood as well, taking a shuddering breath. “Okay.” You hesitated a moment. “I love you,” you whispered.

 

He smiled again, his hologram wavering slightly. “I love you too.” With that, he was gone. Your body felt as if it had been completely renewed. Filled with new energy, you went down the shuttle ramp, grinning at your friends. 

 

“How did it go?” Sam asked nervously, moving to your side. “Well it seems,” Gina replied to her question, gesturing to you. “She’s positively glowing.”

 

“He’s coming to get me,” you said excitedly. “We’re going to meet him outside of Naboo airspace.”

 

Sam squealed and hugged you, holding you close as she jumped up and down. “Oh (Y/N), I’m so happy for you!!” You laughed, pushing her off with considerable effort. “Thank you Sam.”

 

You looked up at the starry Naboo sky and sighed. Your dream of being in the clouds was finally going to come true, but gods would you miss being down on the ground.

 

“Before we go, I’ll need time to walk around by myself so I can say goodbye to everything, okay?” you told your troopers. They both saluted you, Sam smiling and Gina looking stoic as usual. “Yes ma’am,” they said in unison. Impressive. Though you guessed that was part of their trained-from-birth program too.

 

A wave of exhaustion swept over you, causing you to yawn. “Right now though, I’m going to bed. Goodnight girls,” you called as you moved towards your cottage. They each chirped an individual goodnight and watched you shut the door behind you. Once inside, you stripped, got into your pjs, and slid into bed, falling asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.

 

* * *

 

_ “It’s been a while,” you mused as your snake friend lowered its head from the branches. It narrowed its eyes at you. “I told you I was shedding,” it hissed in its strange voice.  _

 

_ “I didn’t realize it took so long,” you said innocently. “How did it go? Are you done?” _

 

_ The snake hissed a yes, so you climbed into the tree and spread out on the branches, letting the snake twist around you. You sighed contently and stroked its smooth yellow scales. _

 

_ “I was right.” You smiled slightly at the snake’s statement, remembering past dreams you’d had.  _

 

_ “You were,” you agreed, looking it in the eye. “And I thank you for that.” The snake seemed pleased with your answer and rested its head on the length coiled around you. _

 

_ A thought bothered you. “Will you still be here?” you pondered aloud, glancing at your yellow friend. It flicked its tongue out at you before answering. _

 

_ “(Y/N), I’ve always been here,” it informed you much to your surprise. “You just never needed me until now. I don’t come unless you call.” _

 

_ You blinked. “So… that first night, I called out to you? That awful nightmare I had?” _

 

_ The snake nodded its massive head. “You needed someone who was realistic. You weren’t seeing the truth of the matter. I had to tell you.”  _

 

_ You thought about that for a while, sitting in silence with your eyes fixed on the fruit that hung above your head. “Huh,” was all you could manage. _

 

_ The snake nudged you with its nose, drawing your eyes back to it. “You must be careful when you meet again,” it warned. “He’s more troubled than he was.” _

 

_ “What do you mean?” you asked, trying to decipher the snake’s cryptic message.  _

 

_ “Leadership had altered him,” it said thoughtfully. _

 

_ You asked for further explanation. It said nothing, resting its head against your stomach. You made a noise of annoyance but didn’t push it, letting the dream fade out into nothingness. _

 

* * *

 

The bright morning sun broke through your window, burning itself into your retinas through your eyelids. You woke with a groan and shielded your face, sitting up as you rubbed sleep from your eyes. A glance out your window made you sigh as you remembered what the day would hold for you. Of course you were excited to see your love, but the idea of leaving your home made your heart hurt with pre-homesickness. The view outside your window didn’t help. Mountains loomed in the distance, breaking into the clouds and letting sunshine pour down in rays around it. The sight made you feel poetic.

 

Slipping out of bed, you pulled on your robe and padded over to your bathroom. You took a shower and washed your face, making sure you put on perfume before packing up your toiletries in a bag. You hummed to yourself as you stepped back into your room, choosing a black dress that fitted you well and accentuated your assets. You packed up a suitcase with a few outfits and everything else you wanted from your room, including a few packets of vegetable and flower seeds in case you could figure out a way to grow things in the darkness of space.

 

Once you were satisfied with your packing, you drifted outside, taking time to relish your surroundings. The weather was beautiful as usual, a light breeze rustled the skirt of your dress and the sun warmed your cheeks. Bees flitted among the wildflowers that surrounded you. You watched them with a sigh, thinking about how much you would miss having fresh honey. You wondered briefly if you could figure out a way to get it sent to you, but ultimately that seemed unrealistic. You’d just have to take all your jars with you and use them sparingly.

 

Your feet led you to the lake where you and Kylo had spent time together. He looked so beautiful and serene there, with the flower crown you’d made him nestled in his black waves. The thought made your heart lighten. Nostalgia rolled over you and you plopped down on the ground, laying on your tummy near the water’s edge. Your hand reached out and touched the surface of the water, your fingers dipping into the coolness. The way the water rolled across your skin called you to submerge yourself.

 

The thought was tempting but you remembered your responsibility was elsewhere. You stood and brushed yourself off, looking over the lake wistfully one last time before returning to your cottage.

 

Sam and Gina stood waiting next to your door. “You ready?” Gina asked. 

 

“Almost. Just need to pack a few more things,” you replied, walking into your house and heading to the kitchen. You scooped your jars of honey from the cabinet along with a few snacks for your journey, spilling them into the the tote bag you were going to carry with you. You grabbed a bottle and filled it with water. When your rations seemed acceptable, you grabbed the suitcase from your room and met your two stormtroopers outside.

 

Sam took your bag and Gina led the both of you to the shuttle. You took one last glance at your cottage and sighed. Maybe you and Kylo could come back one day. Maybe you two could live a normal life eventually. A voice inside your head told you not to get your hopes up. 

 

With a resounding rattle, the shuttle door shut and your home was gone. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry this is so late and has minimal Kylo but i promise the next chapter will be all about him!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who has commented and subscribed, it makes me feel so special! You're all wonderful and I love you <3


	12. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo reunite and it feels So Good. 
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: Explicit content

You knew space would be cold, but you didn’t realize how cold it would be. When the shuttle lifted off and took you out of the sunny Naboo atmosphere, you found yourself wishing you’d thought to bring something thicker than the simple cardigan you were now shivering in. “Isn’t there a thermostat on board?” you whined to Sam who sat across from you playing cards while Gina piloted the vessel. She grinned at you.

 “It’s not even cold, (Y/N)! Also, UNO,” she said, pounding her single card down on the table. You huffed in frustration, both at her words and the fact she kept beating you. How she could be so good at card games while also having grown up in a military regime was beyond you. “Not fair,” you whined again, leaning back in your chair. You knew you were being bratty, but after having to leave your beloved home planet, no matter that it was by choice, you figured you could allow yourself some pouting, especially since you didn’t want to be pouty around Kylo.

 The thought of him made your heart do a little flip. You were actually going to see him again! You were incredibly excited, but your excitement was mixed with tinges of dread. The snake’s words echoed in your head. _“Leadership was altered him.”_ The idea that Kylo was even more damaged than he had been when you met greatly troubled you. He was already pretty fucked up emotionally. You didn’t even want to imagine him getting worse.

You sighed. You had been through a lot of stuff emotionally as well, but you figured it was nothing compared to what he’d been through.

You were distracted from your disturbing thoughts by Sam waving her hand in front of your face. “Yoohoo, anybody in there? Come in, space cadet.”

You blinked a few times to clear your mind. “What?”

Sam pointed excitedly to the viewport. “Go take a look.”

You unfurled from your seat and stood, stretching before going to the cockpit. Standing next to Gina, you worked to figure out what the fuss was about. It didn’t take long. Through the window you saw what can only be described as titanic. The biggest spaceship you’d ever seen was drifting in front of you, and you wondered if it was actually a space station, because jesus, the thing was gargantuan.

“Is that-” you started, but stopped, too in awe to continue. Gina nodded with a slight smile on her face. “That’s the Supreme Leader’s ship, the _Supremacy II_ ,” she confirmed. She glanced at you and her smile grew larger. “You like it?” she asked with a slight chuckle. You nodded, trying to close your mouth.

“It’s incredible,” you whispered in awe. Gina chuckled again.

“Just wait until we get inside.”

 

* * *

 

Gina guided the shuttle into the bay and set it down easily, shutting off the engines before she and Sam put their masks back on. The action made you sad, so you grabbed both of their hands. “When you’re just with me you won’t have to wear them, okay? I’ll make sure you two stay my personal guards,” you assured them. If you could’ve seen them smile, you were sure you would have. Instead you got a simultaneous “Yes ma’am!” and then they were leading you out into the much larger ship.

The bay was a hot spot of activity, technicians and stormtroopers zipping around your small procession as Sam and Gina started on the way to the Supreme Leader’s quarters. You fidgeted insecurely as you noticed a few officers whispering to each other and staring at you. You cracked your neck in an effort to maintain your composure, trying to keep your head held high and not shy away. If you were to be the Supreme Leader’s… whatever you were, it was important you exuded as much power as you could to earn respect.

The journey to Kylo’s quarters was so long, you pondered how you were ever going to learn your way around. Every hallway looked the same, all black and silver, so shiny it made your eyes hurt under the fluorescents. Few windows were visible from the hallway you were in, but each time you caught a glimpse out of one, you were reminded of what a completely different world you were in. You weren’t sure how you would be able to do this.

First thing you noticed, the doors to Kylo’s throne room were ginormous. Like, just ridiculously huge. You shrunk back in fear as they slowly slid open, choosing to hide behind Gina for self defense. Once the doors were completely open, your stormtroopers stepped aside to let you go first.

You began to walk down a black aisle, staring straight ahead at a figure lounging in a black throne. Everything in the room was dark and ominous, and Kylo was no exception. He may have looked relaxed in that chair, but you could already feel waves of emotion threatening to make you keel over.

You took one step, and then another. Then your pace got faster. Kylo stood from his throne and started to walk towards you. And then you were running. 

You ran up to him and he caught you, twirling you around. Finally, you thought in relief. He held you close and dismissed the guards that lined the walls in the room, leaving the two of you alone to crumple onto the ground.

He gripped your face between his hands and stared at you, his amber eyes searching for any hint that something may have happened. When he found none, he kissed you. His lips seared into yours with a passion that ignited the flame inside you.

You crawled into his lap and straddled him, kissing him back with a fervor. He grunted against your lips slightly and pulled back so he could look at you again. The two of you drank each other in in silence. Love and relief and pure passion washed over you like a wildfire, cleansing you of any doubts you may have had about being aboard the _Supremacy._

“Kylo,” you whispered, holding onto him like he was your lifeline. He nodded and stood, keeping your legs tied around his waist as he quickly made his way to a small door to the right of his throne. You pressed closer to him, kissing his neck softly as you hung on him. A shiver resounded through his body, a smile splitting his cold visage in two.

Once he got you through the door, he pressed you against the wall, his hips meeting yours in a fluid movement that pulled a soft moan from your lips. He kissed you hard and pushed you harder against the wall so you remained in your place. You didn’t complain, sliding your tongue over his lips. He grunted and parted his lips to allow you to deepen the kiss, all the while steadily grinding against you.

He drew little noises from you with each roll of his hips, the flame inside you spreading into each of your limbs. Your skin was burning under your dress, and you wanted nothing more than to be directly connected to him. You started to push at his robes with a whine, pulling away from the kiss so you could better focus on your task. He smiled down at you, his breath coming out in pants as he watched. It took a moment for him to fully realize what you were doing, but when he did, he set you down. You looked up at him in confusion, pressing up against him to feel that closeness again.

He chuckled and your heart sighed. God you had missed his laugh. Suddenly all of your sadness and joy hit you at once and then you were sobbing against his robes instead of trying to remove them. His hand threaded through your hair and he hugged you close, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

“I m-missed you so much,” you said softly, trying to rein in your tears with a hiccup. He made a soft humming noise, stroking your hair before tilting your chin up with his hand so he could kiss you.

“I missed you too, (Y/N),” he said, his voice thick with emotion. You smiled up at him, letting his joy and adoration roll over you and mix with your own like the surf and the sand. You calmed quickly and stood on your tiptoes to kiss him again.

He swept you off your feet and carried you down the hallway bridal style, causing you to squeak and hold onto him tightly. He waved his hand and the door at the end of the hallway slid open, allowing you entrance into his actual quarters. He set you down inside and gave you a chance to look around.

The main room was sparsely decorated with only a modest bookshelf, a black couch, and a black coffee table as its inhabitants. A peek through a nearby door showed you his bedroom was no different, although his bed seemed extravagant enough. Four poster with black curtains swept to the side, allowing you to see his equally dark bedding. It practically called to you as you approached it, Kylo watching you from the doorway as you did so. You slipped off your shoes and pulled back the comforter, surprised to see the sheets were scarlet. You turned to Kylo in shock, and he shrugged. “I like red,” he said simply, joining you at the bedside. 

You smiled at the words and slid into bed, sighing contentedly as the mattress welcomed you with open arms. “Kylo, this is wonderful,” you said as you writhed under the covers, trying to get comfy. He slid into bed next to you, stopping your movements as he pulled you against him. You allowed him to move you, pressing your chest against his once you were both settled. His lips captured yours in a kiss and the passion was rekindled again, burning hotter than before.

His hands slipped up under your dress and his fingertips skated across your midsection, his tongue brushing against yours as your mouth parted for him. You shivered and pushed into his touch, your heart rate skyrocketing.

Undressing Kylo was tricky, the task requiring all of your attention as you stripped the robes from him and undid his unusually high pants. Once you finished, he was left in his underwear and assisted you out of your dress. The chilly air of his bedroom hit you, drawing a shudder from you. He noticed the spasm and pulled you close, letting his body heat mingle with yours.

Your fingertips skimmed across the scar on his abdomen from the fateful crash that brought you together. He had healed considerably well, the skin still carrying a pinkish tint to it. His hand covered yours, fingers intertwining as he pulled you into a kiss. The action was so romantic, it brought tears to the corners of your eyes.

He turned you over so he laid on top of you, the sheets draping over you both as he covered your body with his. You looked up at him with adoration and found his expression mirroring yours. The two of you stared at each other until Kylo’s hips started to move, grinding his hardening cock into your core.

That’s when you lost it.

You let out a moan and Kylo muffled it with his mouth, his hips moving faster as he ground insistently into you. Your pelvis bucked up, impatient for more. His mouth moved to your neck and you felt his lips curl into a smile. You whined softly, your hands going to the waistband of his underwear. He tsked slightly and nuzzled you, pressing a kiss to the junction of your neck and shoulder. “Patience is a virtue, (Y/N),” he teased quietly before beginning to suck a hickey into your skin.

You squirmed slightly and whined louder, your body arching up into him. “I’ve b-been patient for so long,” you groaned in frustration. “Please, Kylo.”

You felt that smile again. That merciless smile. “Please what?” 

“Fuck me!” you practically yelled, your nails digging into his skin as you pulled his hips into yours forcefully. 

He chuckled and pressed kisses to your collarbone as he helped you wiggle out of your underwear. You were about to pull his down when he stopped your hand, choosing instead to run his finger over your slit. A shudder ran through your body like you’d just been jolted by a flash of lightning. Kylo smiled and ever so slowly slid his middle finger inside you. It was maddening. You wanted to scream.

He began to pump his finger in and out of you while his mouth latched on to your breast. Your mind went blank for a moment as you threaded your hand through his dark waves, letting out an encouraging moan. A second finger slid into you, working you open with a skill you forgot he possessed. He moved with precision of a musician, fine tuning you until you were sure the string would break.

Chest heaving, you gripped his curls fiercely as you tried to communicate how close you were. A pressure at the base of your skull told you he already knew. His hand left you, a disappointed whine bubbling up from your chest before he quickly worked his own underwear off. Your hand went down and stroked him a few times, enclosing his lips in a heated kiss.

He slid into you and it was like a tsunami hit. His emotions overpowered and intertwined with yours, ecstasy, love, and relief all boiling into wave that washed over you. You felt completely connected to him, the two of you had become one.

The connection was so intense that your grip on him tightened, so severely your nails broke the skin on his back, but he didn’t seem to notice, too busy holding himself in place while his forehead rested against yours. Tears spilled from your eyes, dripping down your cheeks into your hair that was spread out on the pillow like a halo.

When Kylo finally started to move, it was achingly slow. You watched him pump in and out of you, his pace steadily increasing as he got used to the feeling of being inside you again. With every thrust his cock dragged across the spot inside you before pressing against your cervix. You felt like you were going to explode. You wanted him to go faster. No, you didn’t just want it, you needed him to go faster. You tried to communicate this to him, but your mouth couldn’t quite get the words out. He seemed to get the jist of it though, and thrusted into you faster, his amber eyes focusing intensely on yours.

Your moans increased in volume as he pounded into you. You were so close, so fucking close, if he would just- Your thought was cut off as an invisible pressure circled teasingly around your clit. It pressed down a little more and then you were gone, your head spiraling up into the clouds. If you had been fully conscious of your actions, you would’ve felt the cry that left your throat and snaked its way into your partner’s ears.

His hips pistoned into you faster, soft moans leaving him as he approached the edge as well. He shifted onto his knees and thrusted into you a few more times before he pulled out and came on your stomach.

Kylo collapsed next to you, both of you panting heavily. Your mind finally cleared and you sat up a bit, your arms giving out after your first attempt. You groaned slightly, feeling Kylo’s cum pooling in one spot on your tummy. He slid out of bed and got a paper towel, gently wiping you off before tossing it in the garbage. Then he pulled you close and you gladly snuggled up to him, your head resting against his no-longer-heaving chest.

“I love you,” he said softly. You glanced up at him, his stare fixed on the canopy above you, which you noticed was glittering like the night sky. The idea that he had gotten a canopy like that made you really happy.

“I love you too,” you cooed back, drawing his attention to you. His stare was intense but you didn’t shrink back from it. “Are you okay?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing in concern. 

He nodded and brushed your hair back, pulling you into a kiss. “I’m fine. I’m just so happy you’re finally here,” he said, his voice cracking slightly.

You smiled and snuggled closer to him, draping your leg across his waist. “I am too. I really missed you.” He kissed the top of your head, smoothing back your hair.

“Tomorrow will be busy for the both of us,” he warned you.

You nodded with a yawn. “I’m ready for it,” you said with sleepy determination.

Kylo smiled and held you closer, letting you drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It made me so happy to write this, I missed him almost as much as you guys did. 
> 
> Also, if you're interested, I have a few other Kylo fics I'm working on, including a triplet!au fic that I'm really excited about! Check them out if you'd like


	13. Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up alone and get a shocking idea planted in your head. And you haven’t even eaten breakfast yet.

Waking up was disorienting. With no sun streaming through the window, it was impossible to tell the time, but you figured it must be morning because the space next to you was no longer occupied by a certain Supreme Leader. You sighed as you slid out of bed, disappointed you didn’t get to wake up with him. That had been one of your favorite parts when you’d first started sharing a bed with him.

The floor was chilly against your feet, and you once again lamented about how fucking cold space was. It wasn’t fair. You sighed as you walked to the refresher, trying not to shiver as you started the shower. Thankfully the water was quick to heat, blasting wave after wave of blissful scalding liquid on to you. You rolled your shoulders, trying to work out the kinks in your muscles. It felt like Kylo had really done a number on you. Of course, that could just be because it’d been almost a year since the last time you got laid.

Once out of the shower, you rustled around in your luggage that had been brought up while you were sleeping, frowning at your choices. Something about being on the Supremacy made you feel like you should’ve brought fancier clothing. You picked the best dress you brought, one that was red and went right below your knees, and slid on a pair of heels. You wobbled precariously for a moment, but recovered, walking across the floor with satisfying clicking noises.

You spent at least a minute looking for a door knob until you realized all you had to do was press a button, and the door wooshed open. Two stormtroopers were flanking the front entrance.

The left one removed her helmet, revealing familiar blonde curls and bronze skin. “I guess the Supreme Leader was pleased with our performance, because we got promoted,” she said gleefully.

The trooper next to her removed her helmet with a sigh. Gina ran her hand through her close cropped hair and shook her head. “Sam, we’re not allowed to take off our masks unless ordered to,” she scolded.

You waved away Gina’s comment with a grin. “Nothing’s changed Gina, don’t worry, I like you much better without the mask on anyway,” you assured her.

You began to nervously shift from foot to foot. “Where is he? Can I see him? He wasn’t here when I woke up,” you lamented, heading to the door.

Sam and Gina shared a look. “Our orders from Supreme Leader Ren were to keep you here, ma’am,” Gina said gently, blocking your way out. Sam nodded in agreement. “He did say he would be back soon,” she added helpfully.

You let out a huff and plopped down onto the couch. “Well what do I do now?”  
“You could unpack,” Sam offered. “We’d be happy to help you!”

You looked at your two troopers, now guards, and sighed. “I guess. Not very fun though.”

Sam beamed at you, pulling you up from the couch and locking her arm with yours. “You say that, but you’ve never unpacked with me. I can make anything fun.”

 

* * *

 

As it turns out, Sam could indeed make anything fun. Your two troopers helped you unpack and tidy up (not that much needed to be tidied), and time seemed to fly by. You only realized what time it was when your stomach grumbled angrily at you for not having eaten yet.

“Is there anything to eat on this ship?” You asked, plopping back down on the couch once your activities were finished.  
Gina watched you with a smile. “I’d be happy to order something for you, ma’am.”

You sat up and squinted at her. “What’s with the ma’am stuff? This is the second time you’ve called me that.”

“It’s a sign of respect,” Gina said with slight confusion in her voice. “I figured if you’re going to be empress, we should show you the respect you deserve. Ma’am.”

You paled slightly. “E-empress? Who said anything about being empress?”

She shrugged. “I mean,” she lowered her voice, as if she didn’t want anyone to overhear, even if you were the only three in the quarters, “you are sleeping with the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Surely you’ve thought about marriage?”

The thought honestly hadn’t crossed your mind. But now it was all you could think about. It made sense, really. Relationships went one of two ways, you would either break up or stay together forever. The idea brought a chill to your spine.

“I-I guess not.” You pressed your palm to your cheek, trying to process things. “Me, empress? Could I even do that? I mean, no offense, but you guys aren’t exactly the good guys,” you said softly, rubbing your eyes.

Gina sat next to you and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Maybe you could change that.”

That threw you for a loop. You never imagined yourself having that much influence on something. “Wow,” was all you could manage.

The door wooshed open, startling you and your guards. The imposing figure that stepped through prompted your troopers to stand at attention. You stood as well, feeling joy fill you. “Kylo!”

He waved for your troopers to relax and dismissed them, walking over to you. He waited for them to leave before he embraced you, drawing you up into his strong arms. You held onto him tightly and nuzzled into his neck, letting out a content sigh.

He sat down on the couch and you situated yourself in his lap. “You weren’t here this morning,” you said softly, resting your cheek on his shoulder.

He hummed softly in response. “I told you I would be busy.”

Your mouth tightened into a line and you nuzzled closer to him. “Still, you didn’t wake me up or anything. I was worried.” He soothed you by running his hand through your hair, his other arm tightening around you.

He didn’t apologize. You weren’t necessarily expecting one, but it still stung a little. All he did instead was hold you closer and rest his forehead against yours. While you appreciated the intimate action, your feathers were still a bit ruffled.

His hand stroked your back absentmindedly, his fingertips brushing up and down your spine. Shivers shot through you as he stroked your nerves. You sighed softly. “What is it, kitten?” Kylo asked in his silky voice. A wave of worry washed over you, your current seat being the source.

You pulled back a little to look at him. “Just something I talked about with my troopers,” you explained. A light pressure pushed at the back of your skull, causing the corners of your mouth to tilt down in a frown. “Kylo,” you whined slightly, “You could ask.”

A small wave of embarrassment rolled over you, barely lapping at your metaphorical shore. “What was it?” he inquired, his jaw tightening slightly. You trailed your finger along his jaw and he ceased clenching it, pressing into your hand.

You tried to figure out how to word what you were going to say. “Our marriage,” you said softly, watching him carefully.

The only indication of shock he gave was the raising of his eyebrows. “Our marriage,” he repeated.

You nodded, averting your eyes. “Yes,” you said carefully, “Gina brought it up. I haven’t thought very much about it.”

The pain in your head grew sharper, causing you to wince. You let him search your head, trying to fend yourself from the pulsing waves of anxiety that emanated from Kylo.

“You want to be Empress,” he said lamely. You shook your head quickly, clinging tighter to him.

“No Kylo, that’s not what I want. What I want is to be by your side.” You clutched his face between your hands, making him look you in the eyes.

“Forever?” he asked hesitantly, searching your face for truth.

You hesitated. “Honestly, I don’t know yet. I’ve never been in a long term relationship before,” you admitted. His eyes glinted with a hint of understanding, but you could see him raising his walls back up, once again on the defense.

“But I’m here now, and I will be as long as you let me,” you cooed, stroking his cheek in an effort to quell his building rage. “I won’t leave you, my love.” You tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, pleased to feel his emotions becoming less turbulent.

His hand gently clasped around your wrist, a heavy exhale leaving his body. “Thank you,” he whispered. You pressed your lips to his forehead and wrapped your arms around his neck, cuddling closer. Kylo buried his face in your chest, seeking comfort in your soft body.

Your cute moment was interrupted as your stomach growled. Kylo looked up at you with worry on his face. “Have you eaten yet?” When you shook your head, he frowned, mumbling to himself, “Why did I try to put you in the care of those fools?”

You were about to retort that those “fools” were your friends when he stood up suddenly, causing you to squeak and hold onto him so you didn’t fall. He gently placed you on the ground and took your hand. “It’s up to me then. Let’s eat.”

You smiled softly and put on your best puppy dog eyes. “Will you give me a tour too?” you pleaded, tightening your grip on his hand.

It was his turn to smile. “I’ll consider it.”

And then you were off, out the door, waving to your troopers who watched in surprise as Kylo led you into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super late update and the shortness of this chapter, I’ve been having some writer’s block lately, plus I also really like my other fic lol


	14. Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gives you a tour, and you get a job.

The unknown, as it turned out, was a cafeteria near the Supreme Leader’s quarters. It was deserted, minus the cooking staff, and you wondered briefly if Kylo had ordered it so. As you got in line, the cooking staff shook behind the counter, giving you hasty smiles and trying very hard not to look at the imposing man that stood behind you.

You slid down the line with a hum, trying to decide what looked best. None of it looked particularly appetizing, but after a few moments of consideration, you chose some kinda-edible-looking greens and a fluffy roll. “Maybe you should work on your food options, Supreme Leader,” you told Kylo over your shoulder.

“Feeding an army is harder than you think,” he mumbled. You smiled up at him and got out of line with your now full tray, choosing a booth meant for officers.

“I’m sure it is,” you agreed. You took a bit of your greens and cringed slightly. “Maybe once I’m Empress, I can look into it.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow. “Oh? So, you’ve set your heart on becoming Empress, have you?” he asked, his tone a mix of teasing and genuine curiosity. You shrugged and shoved another forkful of greens in your mouth.

Amusement emanated from him, but there was a tinge of fear in it that seeped over you and chilled you to your core. You understood the source of his fear. If you were to become Empress, that’d be a huge commitment, for both of you. You’d be thrust into a leadership position, and suddenly Kylo wouldn’t be alone anymore. ‘Of course,’ you thought, ‘He’s not alone now.’ You were with him again, and you certainly didn’t have any intention of leaving. The idea made you sick to your stomach.

Or maybe that was the greens.

You set down your fork with a slight grimace. Eager to change the subject, you drawled with a smile, “So, Supreme Leader, what is our agenda for today?”

Kylo gave you a small smile in return. “You like saying my title, don’t you?”

Your eyes widened innocently. “I’m merely showing you respect, Supreme Leader. We are in public after all.”

A chuckled escaped him, causing your heart to beat a little quicker. “Right you are,” he said dryly, with a slight shake of his head. “Smart thinking.”

You hummed. “You haven’t answered my question yet.”

He rolled his eyes. “You didn’t let me.”

“I’m starting to think you’re avoiding it,” you shot back.

His mouth tightened into a line, annoyance radiating off him like rays of light. You smiled sheepishly and apologized, nudging his shin with your foot under the table. The action seemed to soften him a bit, and he ran his hand through his hair, speaking after a beat.  
“I will give you your tour as requested.”

You cheered but he stopped you by raising his hand. “But then I’ve got to prepare for my next trip.”

Your heart fell through your seat into the levels of ship below you. “You’re leaving? But Kylo, I just got here, you can’t leave.” Your tone took on an edge of desperation. “Take me with you or something, please don’t leave me alone again,” you begged. Your distress troubled you. Like jeez, abandonment issues much?

It seemed to trouble him as well. “I’m doing a solo mission, (Y/N), it’d be too dangerous to take you with me,” he explained softly, his hand reaching out for yours. You took it, now even more distressed.

“Well can’t you send someone else? Isn’t that what you train troopers for?” You struggled to keep your voice from raising, panic setting in. A wave of comfort washed over you, trying to sooth your bubbling emotions. It took you a minute to realize Kylo was using the Force to calm you.

He waited for you to chill out a bit before speaking again. “I’ve got to do this alone. I won’t be gone long though. And I don’t leave for another day,” he added. “So you’ll have me until then.”

You nodded, trying to perk up a little bit. “Okay.” That was all you could manage. You took a sad bite of your roll, and you felt another wave of Kylo trying to comfort you.

You swallowed your bite and sat up straighter. “How about that tour?”

* * *

The _Supremacy II_ felt even larger as you roamed its halls, leaving you wondering how anyone could remember its layout. There were so many levels and enough docking bays to make your head spin. Not to mention the amount of people. There were stormtroopers everywhere, added with the amount of officers and regular workers, you felt crowded, even though everyone gave you a wide berth as you tried not to cling to Kylo. 

The only calm part of the tour was when you stepped onto the bridge. Sure, there were still a lot of officers there, but everyone seemed to fit into a place, and the atmosphere helped you feel less claustrophobic. You breathed out a sigh of relief, but stopped short when you noticed a certain redhead clicking towards you in his weirdly shiny shoes. How did he get them so shiny? Surely he didn’t shine them. You imagined the general carefully shining his shoes every night and fought back a smile. The wave of amusement that emanated from next to you indicated Kylo found it funny too.

Your amusement faded once you were face to face with the general. Hux seemed to perpetually look like he just ate a lemon, his blue eyes judging as they scanned you. It made you want to hide behind Kylo, or at least hold his hand, but you forced yourself to stand up straight, not wanting to seem intimidated.

His face seemed to sour even more. Hux turned to Kylo and bowed. “Supreme Leader.”

“General Hux,” Kylo said in return, his voice dripping with distaste. You could tell they didn’t like each other at all, though you guess you already knew that from when Hux came to pick up Kylo from your cottage. You tried not to shudder at the memory.

Kylo introduced you to Hux and you once again felt his judging gaze on you. You shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to do in this situation. “A pleasure,” Hux said, his tone making it clear that it was the opposite.

You felt anger pulsing next to you. “You will treat her with respect,” Kylo hissed, his hand clenching into a fist. Hux’s face paled but otherwise he remained chill, merely side eyeing you before turning back to his post at the view port.

You released a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. “That was stressful,” you said quietly, running your hand through your hair. Kylo didn’t respond, just turned and walked out of the bridge, leaving you scrambling to catch up to him. You wanted to whine at him to slow down, but y’know, image is everything when you’re in a position of power.

Kylo led you to what you immediately recognized to be the med bay and your heart started to race. He stopped at the entrance, allowing you to catch up. “I’d like you to supervise here while you’re on board.”

You stuttered, “M-me?” He nodded, his eyes focused on the med droids that were roaming the area.

“You showed talent when I was in your care. And,” he added, “it would give a purpose for your presence on this ship.” You blinked. Wasn’t your purpose to be with him? “That’s not information I’d like to share with people,” he answered your nonvocal question, “it may put you in danger.” His voice was soft as he said the last sentence. It warmed your insides.

Your eyes skated across the white walls and floor of the med bay, and you found yourself nodding. “I’d be happy to, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo seemed pleased with your response and ushered you into the bay, pushing you towards an official looking man in a lab coat. He looked up from his clipboard as you approached. “Supreme Leader,” he said smoothly, “What an honor.” He sounded genuine, and it relaxed you.

Kylo nodded to the man. “Doctor Manet, this is (Y/N) (L/N), the medic who took care of me during my time in Naboo.”  
Dr. Manet held his hand out for you to shake, which you took gratefully. “Ms. (L/N), you did an incredible job with the Supreme Leader’s wound care,” he said appreciatively.

You blushed softly. “Thank you for your kind words, Doctor, but it was simply my duty to help a patient.”

“I’d like for her to join your crew,” Kylo said. Even if he said it like a suggestion, you realized he was ordering the doctor to hire you. Dr. Manet didn’t seem to mind.

“We would love to have a medic of your caliber with us, Ms. (L/N),” he said earnestly. His compliments made you blush brighter.

“I’ll be sure to brush up on my knowledge before I join your crew, sir,” you managed with a nod. “Thank you so much for this opportunity.”

He waved away your thanks with a smile. “If you’ll excuse me, I have patients to attend to.” He bowed to Kylo before he turned and walked away.

You looked up at Kylo, beaming. “Good choice?” he asked, waves of amusement pouring out of him. You nudged his hand with yours subtly.

“Let’s go, Supreme Leader. I wanna show you how much I appreciate my new assignment,” you purred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really trying folks, I hope you’re able to stick with me!! My writer’s block is almost gone I think, so I should be updating more :D 
> 
> I love you! <3


	15. Filthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s just smut! 
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: Explicit content

Somehow, you managed to traverse back the Supreme Leader’s quarters, which you realized were pretty centrally located in the ship. The large doors were still intimidating, but less so now that you had the actual Supreme Leader next to you. All he had to do was wave his hand and the doors opened, allowing you entrance to the throne room. When the doors closed behind you, you grabbed Kylo’s hand, pulling him towards the door that led to his actual quarters. He allowed you to lead him, amusement and curiosity rolling off him.

You brought him to his room and made him sit on the bed. “Take off your clothes,” you said bossily, crossing your arms.

He smirked. “Giving orders now? Wow, looks like you’ll fill the empress role just fine.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and softened your stance a little. “Just do it, okay?” you pleaded.

“Yes ma’am,” he teased as he began to undo his robes. You watched him with interest, your bottom lip captured between your teeth as you contemplated your plan. Once he had gotten most of it off and was just left in his pants, you stopped him and knelt between his legs.

Kylo looked down at you with interest. You could feel lust starting to emanate from him and it brought a satisfied smile to your face. You pushed yourself up a little so you could kiss him, your hand going to palm his crotch. He let out a muffled groan of surprise but returned the kiss eagerly, one of his hands threading in your hair.

You grinned against his lips as you felt him harden under your touch and intensified the kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth. Lust was rolling off him in waves now, intensifying your own emotions. It felt delicious.

You quickly undid his pants and pushed them down, prompting him to lift his hips so you could work them all the way off. You separated from the kiss, both you and Kylo panting slightly. He was a beautiful sight, his cheeks stained red and his hair tousled slightly, wide eyes staring at you in wonder.

A smile lit up your face, and he mirrored you, his breath catching. You knelt between his thighs and ran a finger down his length through his underwear. He watched you with interest as you tugged on his underwear, relieving him of all clothing.

“Well that just doesn’t seem fair,” he rumbled above you. You stuck your tongue out at him, pulling your dress over your head and tossing it to the side, leaving you in the black bra and panties you were suddenly very grateful you wore.

“Better?”

He grinned down at you and ran his hand through your hair. “Much.”

Satisfied he was satisfied, you wrapped your hand around his cock, giving it a few test pumps before flicking your tongue at the head experimentally. A quiet moan escaped him and you took him into your mouth, eliciting another moan from him. Encouraged, you began to bob, glancing up at him.

He leaned back a little to watch you suck him, his hand running lazily through your hair. He gifted you a smile and your eyes shut as you became more focused on your work.

Your right hand pumped his cock while you bobbed your head, pulling off every so often so you wouldn’t choke. The next time you glanced at him, his eyes were closed and his lips were parted slightly, which you took as a sign of enjoyment.

You took your time with your task, reveling in the way his voice wavered ever so slightly the deeper you took him into your mouth. His breath came out in pants and his hand carded through your hair. You could feel his strained restraint as he made an effort not to push your head down. How kind.

His lust blended with his love for you, making your head foggy as you sucked him off in earnest, eager for him to climax. His increasing vocality warned you he was nearing ever closer to the edge. You paused in your bobbing for a moment to lick a stripe up the side of his dick, your eyes capturing his as you did so. The heavy blush that stained his cheeks was instant gratification.

You took the head back into your mouth and sucked, feeling a shudder run through him. As you started to bob again, he let out a loud moan, his head tossing back as he came. You stopped your motion and tried not to choke as his cum hit the back of your throat.

When he finished, you pulled off and wiped off your swollen lips, beaming up at him. He looked at you in wonder, his fingertips skimming across your cheek. “How was that?” you asked, moving from your knees to his lap once he’d slid his underwear back on.

He pulled you close and wrapped his arms loosely around your waist, nuzzling his face into your neck. He murmured something, but it was unintelligible. “Good?” you prompted with a giggle, running your hand through his hair. He mumbled something else that you took as a yes when combined with a nod.

“Good.” You pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and slid off his lap, stretching as you stood. You felt a wave of disappointment hit you as you left him. “Aw, don’t be sad baby, I’ll just be a moment,” you said as you sauntered to the refresher. A wave of lust rolled over you, signaling he was watching you, and it pulled a laugh from you.

You brushed your teeth and made sure to rinse your mouth, making faces at yourself in the mirror once you finished. Kylo joined you in the refresher, standing behind you as you admired your reflection. His hands settled on your waist and his nose pressed into your hair. He was awful cute after orgasm.

You pressed into him and tilted your head back so you could look up at him, grinning when you made eye contact. “Hi.”

He smiled in return. “You’re pretty,” he said simply, stroking your hip with his thumb. The action caught you off guard and made your heart swell a little as his affection mixed with your own.

“You think so?” you mused with a smile. He nodded, pulling you closer so your back was flush against him. You were sure if he could purr he would be. You wiggled your hips a little and turned your eyes back to the mirror, admiring how well you fit against him. What a handsome couple.

“My sentiments exactly.” You rolled your eyes slightly at his comment. You could never quite seem to remember he could read your thoughts without trying. A smirk crossed your features. Maybe you could use it to your advantage.

In the mirror, you saw Kylo’s eyebrow raise, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What are you planning?” he muttered, his arms wrapping fully around your waist. You remained silent and kept your mind clear on the surface. If he wanted information, he’d have to dig for it. “(Y/N).” He squeezed your waist. “You know you can’t hide anything from me,” he purred.

You felt the tell tale pressure in your head that announced his presence and let loose your thoughts. A flood of images assaulted him, memories of your past couplings combined with a few choices pieces from your imagination.

You felt his breath hitch and a slight bulge against your ass. His grip on your waist tightened, his face buried in your neck as a light groan left him. Your imagination supplied images of him fucking you over the very counter you were standing at now, his cock buried into you while he pushed your head down.

Another groan left him as he fully hardened against your ass, his grip so tight around you that it almost cut off your oxygen supply. “You’re a dirty little girl, aren’t you?” he murmured into your ear. A shiver ran through you and you nodded, biting your lower lip.

“You want me to fuck you here? In front of the mirror?” His voice was rough as his hands skated over your curves, his thumbs hooking in your panties. “You wanna watch me fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk?”

A shudder ran through you. You whined and pushed back against him, making eye contact with him through the mirror. He threaded his hand through your hair, tugging slightly so your neck was exposed. “Tell me.”

You swallowed. “Y-yes.”

He smiled cruelly. “Yes, what?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” you purred, moving your hips so you ground against him. He groaned and pushed you down. His hands skimmed along your back, drawing a shudder from you. Hardness pressed firmly against you, lust rolling over you.

“Say it again,” he growled.

“Fuck me, Supreme Leader,” you pleaded, your voice breathy with desire.

His reaction was immediate, your panties down at your ankles so fast it made your head spin. His hand pressed at the base of your spine, keeping you bent over the counter. “Stay just like that.”

You nodded and he sunk to his haunches, spreading your thighs with his hands. You shifted slightly. The heat of his breath sent a shiver through you as his mouth neared your exposed cunt.

He kept you on the tip of your toes, both literally and metaphorically as he kept you waiting. “Kylo,” you whined slightly. “Please.”

He gave into your pleading, his tongue sliding over your slit as his hands gripped your ass like it was the only thing tethering him to the ship. You grit your teeth and tried not to shake as he started to move his tongue in and out of you, moans floating out of your mouth. He ate you out with fervour, making your dripping wet cunt even wetter.

“Oh Supreme Leader,” you cried out, your back arching even further. In the mirror, you caught a glimpse of yourself. Your hair was mussed and your cheeks were stained red, your mouth agape as you panted lightly. Not a bad sight at all.

You felt Kylo groan against you when you used his title, so you made a point to moan it out every so often. One of his hands left your ass and you felt motion behind you. He was jacking off while he ate you out. You were delighted.

He tongue swept a broad stripe up your pussy, drawing another moan from you. You shifted and wiggled your hips a little, impatient for him to be inside you. “Please, Supreme Leader, fuck me,” you begged, turning your head to look down at him.

He stood, his dick still in his hand, and lined the head up with your slit. “You want my cock in you, you dirty slut?” he asked gruffly, teasing you with the head of his cock.

A shiver ran through you, surprise, delight, and lust clouding your head all at once. For a moment all you could do was nod. “Y-yes sir, please,” you croaked, pressing back against him desperately.

He used one hand to stroke your back, the other one wrapping around your neck. Your breath hitched. “I can see inside that dirty mind of yours,” he growled. “I know how badly you want my cock, but I want you to beg for it.”

You swallowed hard and watched him through the mirror, his face expectant. “P-please Supreme Leader, I want your cock in me so bad. I need it,” you whined, “Fuckmefuckmefuckme,” Your words came out quickly as you desperately tried to push back on him, a frustrated sigh leaving you as he avoided penetration.

You continued your chanting until finally he sheathed himself inside you, the position making him go deeper than he ever had before. A drawn out moan escaped you as he held himself inside you, his body hunching over yours as a hiss left him. His hands were tight on your hips as you watched him rock into you slowly.

You struggled to stay on your forearms, but Kylo remedied that for you quickly, pushing your face into the cool granite of the countertop. When he began to thrust, his pace was unrelenting, his cock sliding in and out of you like a piston. He usually wasn’t very talkative during sex, but it seemed this was a special occasion.

“Such a dirty slut, so wet and ready for my cock. Look at you, a moaning mess.” He fisted a hand in your hair and pulled, making you look at yourself in the mirror. You were much more interested in his reflection than your own. His cheeks were flushed, his hair falling against his face so it framed his features beautifully. A sheen of sweat covered him, the lights in the refresher reflecting off his shoulders. He was breathtaking.

He thrust into you with particular force causing you to cry out and your eyes to roll back in your head, effectively severing your connection with his reflection. His mouth didn’t stop though. “You take my cock so well, you’re a good little whore aren’t you? That’s it baby, take it, you love it don’t you?”

Your body felt like it was on fire, every thrust igniting another one of your nerves. With his palavering, you felt inclined to answer. “Y-yes, oh gods, I love it, don’t stop, don’t stop!”

He gripped your hips so hard you were sure your pelvis was about to shatter, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to care as he pounded into you. His dick was so deep in you, you could feel the head hitting your cervix. Your breath came out in pants, your mouth dry as you moaned loudly. A coil tightened around your stomach, warmth exploding in your belly as you neared your climax.

“You want me to cum in you like the whore you are?” he growled in your ear, bent over you while his hips snapped into yours. You nodded eagerly, looking at him with half lidded eyes.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” you managed to purr, licking your lips. He groaned in approval and stood up straight, thrusting into you faster. You grasped at the counter in a desperate attempt to grip something, to find purchase as your coil snapped and ecstasy washed over you.

He slammed into you a few more times before he pulled you up by your hair, kissing you as he came inside you with a jolt. You moaned weakly against his lips, trying to remain upright on your very wobbly legs. Luckily, Kylo had you pinned to the counter, so it wasn’t an issue.

You were honestly surprised you both didn’t collapse onto the floor. Instead, Kylo gingerly lifted you and set you down on the counter so you were leaning against the mirror, and he stood between your legs, his head on your shoulder. You ran your hand through his hair with a tired smile, tilting his chin up so you could kiss him. “I had no idea you had such a filthy mouth,” you croaked.

He chuckled. “I didn’t either, to be honest with you.”

You shifted and winced slightly, hissing. His expression softened at your hiss. “Ohh baby, I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, stroking your cheek. You gave him the best smile you could manage, pressing a loving kiss to his lips.

“I’ll be fine,” you assured him. “I love you.”

He beamed. “I love you too.” A beat of silence passed. “You wanna shower?”

You nodded with a chuckle and let him scoop you off the counter, carrying you to the shower. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me 2 gotdamn weeks to write this chapter, but here it is, in all its smutty, smutty glory


	16. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo leaves, some shit goes down, and then he’s back.

He was yours for a whole other day before he was gone. Kylo seemed to understand how important your time with him was, so he kept his leadership duties as minimum as he could, spending most of his time lounging in bed with you, watching shitty galactic daytime television. You were sure it was a welcome break for him as he rarely had any free time.

His take off was hard, especially since you couldn’t be in the bay with him. Not for lack of trying, however. You’d begged him to let you say goodbye before he launched, but he had refused you, not wanting to raise suspicions. Of course, suspicions were probably already raised considering you had yet to get actual quarters.

Sleeping in the Supreme Leader’s bed was not normal by any standards.

That changed when he left. Gina, or as you struggled to remember to call her in public, GN-9824 led you to the quarters near the medical bay and handed you a sack of belongings, telling you under her breath that she’d be near if you needed anything. You thanked her and made your way into the living space, plopping your things on the unoccupied bed.

It seemed like you would have three other roommates, though none of them  
were there at the moment. You sat down on your bed with a sigh. You could do this. It was only temporary. Probably. You shook your head. It would be and you knew that. Kylo would come back and you would stay with him again.

But what if that didn’t happen? Your stomach churned. What if Kylo didn’t come back? Or what if he did, but he made you stay in this new place? You felt like you were about to vomit.

To break yourself from your negativity, you hopped up from the bed and shook yourself, brushing your hair out of your face. No good thinking like that. ‘Best way to feel better,’ you thought, ‘is to get to work.’

 

* * *

 

Slipping back into a medic’s mindset was surprisingly easy. As you’d been out of practice, Dr. Manet gave you simpler assignments, like migraines, smaller injuries, etc. With each patient, you found yourself itching to be given a challenge. Not like surgery or anything like that, but something more complex than a stormtrooper who singed his arm trying to reprogram a baton.

Two weeks after Kylo’s departure from the ship, you more or less got your wish when the _Supremacy II_ was blasted by a group of Resistance pilots. Shots rocked the ship and sent you flying, knocking over a tray of food meant for your, now very frightened, patient, a tech who had been recently brought aboard and injured in a ship malfunction. With shaky legs, you stood and went to her bedside, holding her hand as you waited for someone to tell you what to do.

Alarms blared, red reflecting of the white tile flooring with such brightness it hurt your eyes. You tried to give your patient a reassuring smile, even though you were just as frightened as her, if not more. You both gripped onto each other for dear life, acting as the other’s anchor while the ship took impact after impact. Terror coursed through you as you worried for your safety and that of the crew members you’d come to form a semblance of friendship with. Most of all you wondered about the Supreme Leader, about his safety and his whereabouts.

The assault didn’t last long, maybe 10 minutes or so, but it felt like hours to you. You finally released your patient’s hand when the alarms stopped blaring and did your best to soothe her. One of the head nurses came in and gestured frantically for you to follow her. You quickly did as asked, jogging lightly to keep up with her fast pace.

The casualties were few, thank the gods, but the injured were numerous. With the help of the med bay troopers, you and the other medics transported people to the bay as quickly as you could.

From what information you could gather, the Resistance had sent a group of X-Wings to bombard the western docking bay, destroying almost a third of the _Supremacy II’s_ tie fighters and a unknown number of personnel. The loss hit you with a force you hadn’t expected, sorrow washing over you at the thought of the lost crew and their cherished vessels. So many people just… gone. You had to lean against the wall for a moment to steady yourself, pushing back the tears that threatened to spill. ‘Not the best time for waterworks,’ you chided yourself.

With a breath you got back to work, patching up lighter injuries and helping Dr. Manet with the worst ones. The infirmary was chock full and you did your best to get everyone where they needed to be and fixed up. You mended broken skin and broken hearts, grieving with those who knew for sure they had lost friends and comforting those whose uncertainty was eating them away. This instance was the first of many times you would be reminded that there was a war going on among the stars, and you were now deeply involved in it.

  

* * *

 

You felt him the minute his vessel docked in the eastern bay. Anger and worry mixed in a volatile cocktail that almost knocked you out of your desk chair where you were finishing up some paperwork. Tendrils reached out and took root in your brain as he found you. A pained hiss left you and you rubbed the base of your skull, sending out positive vibes so he knew you were alright. The hold on your mind lessened to a manageable headache, allowing you to stand and walk towards the entrance of the med bay.

Heavy footsteps resounded down the hallway with a reckless but composed rhythm as your black-robed beauty made his way towards you. You fought the smile that wormed its way onto your face and bowed once he was in front of you. “Supreme Leader,” you greeted, letting your eyes slowly trail up him as you straightened.

“Medic,” he said in return, relief evident in his voice. Kylo looked worse for wear, the bags under his eyes somehow darker, though that may have been due to how pale his skin was, an almost ashen hue that made the red of his facial scar stand out. Worry twisted in your gut as you took a step closer to him.

“Have you slept recently, sir?”

His mouth tightening in a thin line was answer enough. “I need Dr. Manet’s reports,” he said shortly, avoiding your question entirely. You nodded and gestured for him to follow you to the small office that had been awarded to you for your help after the assault.

Once the door was shut behind the two of you, he pulled you into his arms, burying his face in your neck. You could feel his mix of emotion wash over you, practically smothering you. “I’m okay, Kylo,” you whispered, holding him just as tightly.

He let out a shuddering breath and pulled back to look at you, running his hand through your hair before gently cupping your cheek. “Hux told me there was an attack and I got here as soon as I could.” His emotions took a heavily negative turn as his rage built, fire roaring in his eyes. “If you had been hurt, I would’ve destroyed every damned resistance fighter in the galaxy.”

You placed your hand over the one he had on your face and nuzzled him, smiling slightly. “Well I wasn’t hurt,” you said, not really knowing what else to say. “But others were.” A wave of sorrow washed over you, and you weren’t quite sure it was entirely your own. “20 people died, Kylo,” you informed him, your voice defeated, “More than 50 were injured.” You let the tears you’d been holding in finally fall, and Kylo wiped them away with his gloved hands, pressing a surprisingly gentle kiss to your lips.

“I know you grieve for them, but it’s a part of war,” he stated, not unkindly. Still, the words twisted in you like the roots of a particularly gnarled tree. You grimaced, but he didn’t seem to notice. Kylo seemed distracted for a moment, his eyes unfocused. “Death is a necessary evil if I’m going to rule the galaxy.”

The statement startled you. Of course, in the back of your mind you knew that’s what the ultimate goal of the First Order was, but it sounded weird coming out of Kylo’s mouth. Like it didn’t belong there. It sounded empty, like he didn’t think it belonged there either.

You tugged on his sleeve, bringing him back to reality with a gentle smile and a kiss to his hand. “Do I get to sleep with you tonight?” you asked, changing the subject.

He returned your smile. “If you’d like. I’ve missed you terribly,” he admitted. The action touched you and you pulled him into a kiss, threading your hand through his thick waves. He returned the kiss, a rush of affection flooding out of him.

You pulled away from him and straightened your uniform, picking up your datapad so you could send your information about the attack to him as well as Hux. “Can I have dinner with you too?” You asked, your eyes still trained on the datapad.

You could hear the slight amusement in his voice as he said, “Well now, let’s not go too far.” When you met his eyes, he turned serious again. “Of course you can.”

You smiled and set down the pad, standing on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Then I’ll be by your quarters at dinner time.”

He gave you a curt nod. “I’ll send SM-3519 and GN-9824 for you.” You nodded in return, understanding his want to avoid suspicion. You were pretty sure there was already rumors in the grape vine about the two of you, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care very much.

“I’ll see you then,” you said, giving him one last kiss before showing him out. You watched him walk away with a sigh and sat at your desk to wait for your eventual escort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I know it’s be aaaages, but I’m not dead, don’t worry!! Just really busy! I went to Disney World and I’ve been playing a lot of dnd so most of my creativity has been channeled into that, but I’ve got a good groove going and I’m working on a new story based on a dream I had, so get ready for that!
> 
> I love you all so much, thanks for sticking with this story <3
> 
> also little author’s note, i changed the name of the ship bc i realized the original supremacy was destroyed in tlj (duh) and they probably would’ve just obtained another drednaught instead of rebuilding it


	17. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever you think is gonna happen? It’s probably about to happen.

No matter how many times you heard a knock on your door, it still somehow caused you to jolt in your chair. Maybe it was how absorbed you’d been in patient reports, which were oh so fascinating (not). Regardless, you still jumped before Gina pushed open your door, Sam trailing close behind her. “GN-9824,” you said, slightly struggling to remember her full number, “SM-3519. What can I do for you?”

Gina inclined her head to the door. “The Supreme Leader wishes to see you in his quarters. We’re here to escort you.” Her tone was all business, putting on a show in case anyone should be listening.

You nodded gravely and stood, slipping your datapad and some files into the pack you carried. “Very well,” you said with a sigh. “If I must.”

You could almost hear the smile in Sam’s voice as she told you to move along, ushering you out of the office to Kylo’s throne room.

The imposing doors loomed ahead of you as you neared the room, and you felt your heart in your throat, beating so fast you thought you would choke on it. Why were you so nervous? It didn’t make a lick of sense. You’d been here plenty of times before, why did it feel different?

Sam and Gina pushed open the doors and you could see him, lounging on the throne, his leg draped over one of the arms in a careless, and almost childlike, fashion. His mood was as turbulent as ever, anger filling your senses so much it was almost palpable. Even your stormtroopers seemed to notice it, sticking to your sides as if they would need to protect you from their Leader. Their loyalty to you surprised you for a moment, but then you remembered you were probably the first “superior” they had that acknowledged their humanity.

You waved off your troopers as you approached the throne, an anxious smile playing across your lips. “Supreme Leader.” You tried to keep your voice even as you knelt in front of him. The Force pulled you up and Kylo gestured for you to come closer, his anger ebbing only slightly in your presence.

“Don’t,” was all he said, standing as you approached him. Once you were close enough, he pulled you against him, a heavy sigh leaving him as he buried his face in your hair. You snuggled against him and hummed in satisfaction, hugging him back tightly. When he finally parted from you, you stood on your tippy toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, dimming the fire of his anger even further.

“What happened, Ky?” you asked gently, tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear and running your finger along his jaw. He leaned into your touch, another huff leaving him.

“Everyone in leadership on this fucking ship is incompetent. I don’t know why I bother to let them keep their jobs,” he growled, his anger flaring up again enough that you could feel it start to envelope you. He glared at the doors behind you as if they were one of his underlings that he wished to destroy with a glance.

You took his hand and squeezed it, drawing his attention back to you. He softened almost immediately and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “Leadership is hard,” you soothed.

You felt something akin to resolve strengthen in him as he nodded at your words, his face suddenly open and vulnerable. “You have no idea. I have so many responsibilities. The fate of the First Order rests on my shoulders and mine alone.”

He seemed to be expecting you to say something, but you were at a loss for a words, so instead you nodded, hoping that appeased him. His grimace told you it didn’t.

He took both of your hands in his and squeezed, his eyes searching you. “I love you,” he said so suddenly it made you wince slightly.

“I love you too.” Your meaningful reply satisfied him and he kissed you, pulling you close.

His emotions were in such a jumble, you found it difficult to feel exactly what emotion was more prevalent. It was a little troubling, especially since his body language didn’t really give anything away. It was like he was blocking you from seeing his feelings. That bothered you.

“Are you okay, Kylo?” you asked hesitantly. He nodded, squeezing your hand.

“Are you hungry?”

His question startled you slightly, but you gave him an affirmative, drawing a smile from him. “I’ve got something special for you,” he said cryptically.

He swept you away into his quarters, his hand tight over your eyes. “K-Kylo!” you exclaimed in surprise as he guided you inside, gently pushing you into an unfamiliar seat. His gloved hand lifted away from your eyes, finally letting you see. You blinked up at him for a moment before you realized what was set before you.

A simple dinner was laid on a black dining table, twin candles in the center along with a beautiful bouquet of startlingly scarlet roses. A gasp caught in your throat and your hand flew to your mouth. “Oh my god,” you breathed.

Kylo smiled nervously, his shifting causing his robes to sway slightly. “Do you like it?” You picked up the roses and held them close, pressing your face into the petals and letting the sweet scent wash over you.

“I love it,” you whispered, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. His relief was evident on his face and in the wave that washed over you as he set his hand on your shoulder and squeezed.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and sat across from you, a pleased smile on his face. The two of you ate in relative silence, mostly due to the fact that you were still choked up from his kind gesture. Part of you was sure that if you said anything you would burst into tears.

When you had finished, Kylo stood from his chair, his hand tapping restlessly against his leg. He just stood there, staring at you. A wave of anxiety washed over you, and you ached to reach out to him, but he had made it obvious that wasn’t what he wanted right now. “Kylo?” you asked, seemingly snapping out of whatever reverie he was in.

He cleared his throat and stepped closer. You noticed his hand drifting to his back pocket as he started, “(Y/N). I want you to know. How greatly I value you.” Your eyes flitted up and down his form. Oh my god.

“That’s-That’s always nice to hear,” you replied a little awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. Your throat constricted as he knelt before you, a small black box in the hand he offered towards you. Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

He seemed to struggle with his words, stumbling over them as he lifted the lid to reveal a silver band with a red stone embedded in it that seemed to pulse with energy. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he managed, choked up with emotion. With a little prodding, you felt the full rush of his emotions, joy and anxiety and desperation radiating from him. “I need you. By my side.”

You hand trembled as you offered it to him, a relieved smile spreading across his face as he slid the ring onto your finger. “Will you marry me?”

The stone was warm to touch and blood red, practically tingling with electricity. It seemed to sing to you, a light humming that drew you in. At your continued silence Kylo moved closer and grabbed your hands, more anxiety washing off of him. “Please (Y/N), what do you say?”

Your eyes met his amber ones, a spark of electricity running between the two of you. Your answer was clear. “Of course, Kylo. Nothing would make me happier,” you said earnestly, gripping his hands in return.

Joy burst from him like a firework, Kylo dragging you up from your chair, his arms enveloping you in a tight embrace. “Oh thank gods,” he breathed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I was worried you’d say no.” He laughed a little.

You smiled up at him, standing on your tiptoes to give him a kiss which he gladly accepted. “Say no to you? Never.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy howdy, there it is! This fic is probably drawing to a close, but hey, who knows, y’know? Anyways, I love you all, thanks for your continued support!


	18. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn something new about the stone in your ring, accidentally develop foot in mouth disease, and greet an old friend.

Something was burning into your chest. Your bleary eyes opened as you tried to figure out what was searing your skin, but all you could see was the engagement ring Kylo had given you. When you lifted your hand, the burning stopped, causing your eyes to train carefully on the stone. You nudged Kylo awake.

He rolled over and murmured out a sleepy “What?” You smiled slightly before you remembered the matter at hand. Literally. The matter was on your hand.

“What kind of stone is this? It doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen before.”

He shifted and sat up, scratching the back of his head. He yawned before he answered. “‘S a kyber crystal. Or a piece of one at least.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Kyber? Like, a lightsaber kyber crystal? Harvested from the caves of Ilum, kyber crystal?”

He smiled at you and wrapped his arm around your waist, his head nuzzling into your shoulder. “You’re so smart,” he muttered, kissing your neck. You didn’t really have the capacity to appreciate his tired cuteness at the moment, though you wanted to.

“Where did you get it?” Your voice wavered a little. You didn’t want your stone to be from like a dead Jedi’s weapon. Sure, you were now engaged to the Supreme Leader of the First Order, but there were some things that were too fucked up to imagine; for instance, the idea that the ring your betrothed gifted you was from the lightsaber of a dead guy.

“It’s from my saber.” He pulled back to look at you, confusion evident on his face. “Why? You don’t like it?” A wave of anxiety washed over you and you hurried to soothe him.

“No no no, Kylo, I love it.” Your chest loosened a bit as a relieved sigh left you. “I was just a little worried, s’all, but now that I know it’s from your saber, it means even more to me.”

He relaxed, your answer satiating him. “Good. Can I go back to sleep now?”

You nodded and kissed him softly, smiling as he snuggled back up under the covers. You admired the ring on your finger, the soft, constant hum of it now music to your ears. Even the blood red color wasn’t as harsh anymore. As you laid back down to try to join your fiancé in sleep, you found it impossible to relax, a restless energy flowing through you.

You slid out of bed and slipped on a robe, padding out of the room the main living area where one of your storm troopers was stationed. “Good morning, Gina,” you greeted as you went to the little kitchen area.

She jolted slightly and stood up straighter, her chin raised warily. “Good morning, ma’am,” she returned. “What are you doing up?”

You looked up from the bowl of cereal you were pouring and shrugged. “Little restless, I guess. Anything interesting happen while we were sleeping?”

Gina gave a soft chuckle. “Thankfully, no. You’d be notified immediately if something did. Or anyways, the Supreme Leader would be.”

You smiled and poured her a glass of water, for which she thanked you as you handed it to her. You took a seat on the couch near where she was stationed and began to eat your cereal. “He proposed to me, you know,” you stated as you swirled your spoon in the bowl.

Her eyes widened and she rushed towards you, excitement evident on her face. “I had no idea! Oh my goodness, how incredibly exciting! Do you have a ring?”

You nodded and grinned, holding out your hand which she took gently and turned it back and forth, the stone glinting in the light. “Oh that’s beautiful,” she breathed. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” you said, practically beaming.

Her face turned thoughtful, her body language becoming guarded as she sat next to you. “So you really are going to become Empress, aren’t you?”

Ah. There it was. The question you’d been trying not to think about. You shoved a spoonful of cereal into your mouth in an attempt to stall, but Gina continued to stare at you expectantly, her arms crossed across her chest. You sighed. “Yeah. I think so.”

“What does that mean for all of us?”

Another sigh left you and you set your bowl aside, running a tired hand through your hair. “I don’t know,” you admitted. “I’d like to, y’know, make the First Order actually what it says it is, but without all the murder, and evil, and such.”

Gina snorted, like a legitimate snort that you weren’t sure whether to find amusing or disheartening. “Good luck with that. You’ll have to get rid of every officer we have, and then they’ll just start a new evil organization.”

“Thanks for your support,” you deadpanned.

Gina shrugged. “I’m just trying to be realistic, (Y/N). We’re the evilest organization in the galaxy. Hell, in every galaxy! You think people are just going to accept that we’re going to be good now? Not likely.”

That was true, but she shouldn’t say it. “Guess optimism is out the window,” you said, slumping dramatically on the couch.

Gina gave you a very pointed look that you weren’t sure how to decipher. “I’m not saying it’s impossible, and if anyone could do it, it’s you. You have a kind heart and are stubborn as a mule, if I may be frank.”

You grimaced. “You never were one to beat around the bush.”

“Exactly,” she continued, “and I just don’t want you to be disappointed when you find obstinacy among the ranks.”

“I didn’t ask for this,” you grumbled. Gina’s mouth hardened into a tight line.

“As if I did?” she asked quietly. Oh no. You and your big mouth.

“Gina- Shit, I’m sorry,” you said earnestly, placing your hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you didn’t—“ She interrupted you by brushing your hand off and standing, hurt emanating off her.

“I know, ma’am. Go back to bed,” she said cooly, returning to her post near the bedroom door. You put you bowl in the sink and did as she asked, dragging yourself back to bed, where you laid next to Kylo and buried your face in his back. He stirred slightly but otherwise remained still, his chest steadily rising and falling.

He was so warm. Like always. It surprised you when you first started sleeping with him, though you couldn’t place why. Maybe it was all the heavy layers he wore. Surely he got overheated at times, but maybe he was too dedicated to the emo lifestyle.

You laughed at your own thought and snuggled closer to him, spooning him. Another thing that surprised you was how soundly he slept. You knew he had nightmares, but only because you felt his emotions, nothing about his posture while he slept would’ve hinted at it. He twitched slightly and you snuggled closer to him. “I love you,” you whispered, and you could feel his mood lighten. What a sweet boy.

The comfort of him helped you relax enough for sleep to envelop you, your ring warm on your hand. 

* * *

_The usual tendrils reached out from the roots of the tree, beckoning you forward, eagerly wrapping around your ankles. You chuckled softly and greeted your snake friend as it lowered its massive head, clamoring up into the branches. You settled in and let the snake wrap around you, stroking its large odd scales. It flicked its tongue at you thoughtfully. “Long time, no see,” it hissed quietly, to which you gave a hum of agreement and scritched under its chin, earning another tongue flick._

_“Nice ring,” it prompted. Still you remained quiet, letting the serenity of the tree overcome you. The snake seemed to give in and rested its head on your stomach, letting out a little huff._

_Finally you broke the silence. “He’s not that different. Not like you said.”_

_The snake hissed softly. “His power is far more palpable. He’s dangerous.”_

_You snorted. “He’s a puppy.”_

_“To you, perhaps. Think of the lives he’s ruined,” the snake implored, tightening its coils around you. The thought sobered you and you stopped the hand that had been stroking it. “Are you sure you wish to be a part of that? A part of him?”_

_“I’m already a part of him,” you murmured, “Just as he’s a part of me.”_

_“Consider that,” it hissed, not unkindly. “Don’t do this just because you love him. Know the consequences of your choices.” It pressed its nose to your cheek for a moment to calm your rising anxiety. “Do not go into this marriage unaware. You know what he is, what he’s capable of. Face it.”_

_You sighed and shut your eyes. It seemed like even in your sleep you’d be forced to think of the future. Not fair. “Fine,” you admonished, pulling its coils tighter around you, the weight a comfort._

_“I want what’s best for you.” The snake nuzzled you lovingly, and you knew the statement was true. It really was just trying to look after you._

_“I know. Thank you.”_

_It flicked its tongue at you and nuzzled you again. “Rest now.” You did as it ordered and shut your eyes tighter, letting everything fade to black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re still going! Thanks for sticking with me! School is almost done, so I should be updating more, but it’s been hard for me to get Kylo inspiration.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you have any comments, questions or concerns! This is my first time writing Kylo, so hopefully I'll improve as the fic goes on.


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